I was abused as a child so I practiced being paranoid and alert. Now I still have the same habit.
I was always alert and making sure that no one would bully or hurt me. I thought I was always in danger. When nothing was going to hurt me, I was always waiting for the next event to happen whether it is my mom yelling at me or my teachers ready to hurt me.
But now, nearly 12 years after my last abuse experience, I still have the same thought- I’m always feeling like I’m in danger. I’m paranoid and alert. I freak out when there’s a loud noise (maybe that’s the potential autism in me, but I hate loud, overwhelming noises). But there’s nothing to worry about- I’m at my parents’ house, and I’m succeeding at work. I got paid recently and the salary is fairly nice.
But why am I worried all the time? Does anyone have the same type of problem?
I often wonder if I’m having a delusion, but this pattern is pretty much derived from when I was little.