I was abused as a child so I practiced being paranoid and alert. Now I still have the same habit.
I was always alert and making sure that no one would bully or hurt me. I thought I was always in danger. When nothing was going to hurt me, I was always waiting for the next event to happen whether it is my mom yelling at me or my teachers ready to hurt me.
But now, nearly 12 years after my last abuse experience, I still have the same thought- I’m always feeling like I’m in danger. I’m paranoid and alert. I freak out when there’s a loud noise (maybe that’s the potential autism in me, but I hate loud, overwhelming noises). But there’s nothing to worry about- I’m at my parents’ house, and I’m succeeding at work. I got paid recently and the salary is fairly nice.
But why am I worried all the time? Does anyone have the same type of problem?
I often wonder if I’m having a delusion, but this pattern is pretty much derived from when I was little.
My therapist said it’s possible/is a thing. He told me about a guy that was abused as a child and so his delusions were based around that. And he had schizophrenia/psychosis (If I’m understanding your post correctly)
I see. A lot of delusions aren’t really based on thoughts that are bizarre, and that’s why I got re-diagnosed with psychotic depression. My delusions are based around being paranoid and worthless, something I brought from my childhood.
If it’s based on trauma, maybe a therapy would help. It’s not a delusion if a child believe that he must not talk to unknown adult because it’s potentially a danger. Now you’re an adult maybe it’s safer for you.
Real life events are the basis of all delusions. My first big delusion that I had a sister I didn’t have was based on my Mom telling me my Dad cheated on her.