Can anyone relate to this

If a person isn’t free to express themselves in a natural way without you getting your feelings hurt and trying to correct them then they most likely aren’t going to feel free to be honest and the relationship is doomed. If someone says something to you and it hits you wrong, instead of taking it and stewing about for a week and then telling them about it, just immediately say “hey, I don’t like that because…”. This is honest, open communication and avoids resentments.

2 Likes

Yea that’s a problem.

1 Like

Now that I see I’m in the wrong with the space thing there’s nothing to correct him about but I need to tell him how his reaction made me feel and that this is my problem so idk if I can talk to him when I get upset at his opinion about ‘don’t talk to me then.’

Because additionally, It makes me think what else will upset me, isn’t it.

1 Like

I have noticed something in my life about failing relationships, divorces, ending friendships and even family feuds, at the root of the problem are resentments. People not saying how they feel, and pushing it down and letting it fester. People making up stories about other people’s thoughts and intentions are like poison to a relationship also. The other person cannot read our mind or know our heart. We must convey ourselves to them. Now some people come into our lives that don’t care what we convey, they are selfish, and not worth keeping around. Most people want to get along and please, as we do to them. Look for someone who tells you what they like, and do them the courtesy of letting them know what you like, don’t leave them guessing and confused. But hey, that’s just my personal take on relationships and friendships. My qualifications? One relationship that lasted 20 years, we are still good friends and have a kid together. One 15 year relationship, we are best friends now. A 40 year friendship. A half dozen 35 year friendships. A rich life full of loving, caring friends and family of which I am eternally grateful everyday to have in my life, 0 resentments.

2 Likes

Thanks @Leaf You are pretty smart.

And it’s nice to see you have loyal friendships.

1 Like

You are welcome. You are a very sweet lady who obviously has much love to give the right person, and they will be very lucky. You are deserving of love and it is out there for you. I am blessed and have been incredibly lucky my whole life.

1 Like

Aw thank you Leaf :slight_smile:

I agree qith everything @Leaf wrote. I have found it best to figure out what little thinga i can just move on from if they bother me and what i need to communicate in the moment hey this was hurtful. Most people are receptive to it and will adjust behavior.

2 Likes

I think the root of this might be fear of being replaced. So every time that I feel they are upset at me, I feel upset because I feel its a step to being replaced.

Seriously. I’m so broken. :grimacing:

1 Like

Its not about being broken. Its usually related to interpersonal trauma. Its abandonment trauma being expressed

1 Like

Oh, fyi…you know how everybody is always looking for someone smart, someone funny, someone successful, etc. I put on the top of my list someone kind, you know what, it goes a long way in getting along with someone. I highly recommend kindness in a mate. Me and my ex have never once had an argument or fight, not even through the divorce, we always just calmly discussed things.

2 Likes

Most likely you experience a significant person in your life leaving you, either physically or emotionally.

1 Like

I can absolutely relate to this!! Most of my long term partners were kind, except one, and after her i absolutely look for kindness. But i had to stop holding my high standard for kindness on others at the same time and loosen up a bit on the perceived slights

2 Likes

No! You are not broken. I assure you that everyone goes through this. You’re just learning, changing, growing. It’s all part of getting to know yourself and learning about the potential mate. Perfectly normal. You’re absolutely fine.

2 Likes

I’m realizing now that I’m single af so I’m shutting up now.

1 Like

Haha no you’re fine @leaf

Thankyou @Leaf and @Froge. It really makes sense to me what you guys are saying and the others.

This has been helpful.

I appreciate it, truly.

1 Like

I speak from personal experience. I used to be so hyper sensitive around people. I still am, i just manage it way better.

1 Like

I’ve packed my bags the job can wait a bit.

That’s something I’m going to look up… How to manage hypersensitivity

1 Like

@Froge @Leaf

I may have found a solution.

I need to accept ‘worst case scenario’ that I will be replaced
Because… It could indeed happen… Realistic ally speaking.

So then by factoring it in, I can be at peace. My expression of love towards him may therefore be watered down but at least I can still be his friend.