I made a post earlier about it being hospital time. i could not go. I still feel like I need support. I want to go to a day clinic to still have connection to family. The voices honestly do not need to be here. They have no background to fit into. They remind me of demons. I’m looking for any help I can find to disprove the things they say. They tactile touch me inappropriately. Afterwards they call me a whore and blame me for what they do, never seeing their wrong actions. I have humiliating dreams, and wake up in a half sleep state and feel things intruding on and in my body. Sometimes claws, sometimes slimy hands and weird tentacles. The woman voice calls me a whore who stole her husband. You can have him lady. The male “husband” and her sexually harass me, and are reading what I’m typing. It is not my fault. Images pop into my head of horrific sexual content. I have never done these things before, I’m 17. They tell me they have the right to be here because they are of god, or are gods. Or, they are guides. It changes over and over again. They disgust me. They tell me everything they do I deserve. I just want to be a kid, not an object. They appear to me as swarms of blue light and have blue beady eyes in my mind made of light. They appear as blue light orbs and flash in my eyes. I think this is their real fourms, blue orbs. They are inccubi, I think. Please give advice about this.
I used to have this when I was on modecate injections - plagued me for 9 years - then I switched to olanzapine and in the last 16 years I’ve only had it a couple of times - with me Olanzapine stopped it. Some people have it before they have had meds, as the illness starts. Now if it was real do you think Olanzapine could stop real ghosts and demons - nope - it’s not real - it’s a symptom - tell your doctor and ask about changing your meds.
I reached a point where I really thought the dreams and visions were real - then one day I had a sleep in the afternoon - got the half awake and half asleep feeling - finally managed to open my eyes and the walls and ceiling in my bedroom looked like they’d been painted with the Willow Pattern design. It was then I realised that the night terrors WERE NOT REAL and were just manifestations of my worst fears and thoughts. Maybe you can sort your meds and try a small amount of Olanzapine before bed, as I said it’s worked wonders for me.
Get a copy of this book and read it. Have your family read it, too.
If you need a professional intervention by the best people in your area, tell me where you live, and I will get back to you with leads to those services.
Get properly diagnosed by a board-certified psychopharmacologist who specializes in the psychotic disorders. One can find them at…
Work with that p-doc to develop a medication formula that stabilizes your symptoms sufficiently so that you can tackle to the psychotherapy that will disentangle your thinking from reality effectively. The best of the therapies for that currently include…
DBT – http://behavioraltech.org/resources/whatisdbt.cfm
MBSR – http://www.mindfullivingprograms.com/whatMBSR.php
ACT – https://contextualscience.org/act
MBBT – https://www.newharbinger.com/blog/introduction-mind-body-bridging-i-system
10 StEP – http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html
the even newer somatic psychotherapies like…
SEPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Somatic_Experiencing
SMPT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensorimotor_psychotherapy
or standard CBTs, like…
REBT – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
Schematherapy – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schema_Therapy
Learned Optimism – https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Learned_optimism
Standard CBT – http://www.beckinstitute.org/what-is-cognitive-behavioral-therapy/About-CBT/252/
I’ve had some pretty bad episodes of tactile and voices ganging up on me. It’s hard to just pass it by as head circus… but it is part of the illness and head circus.
Meds did help knock all that down…
It’s also a huge loop… the tactile and voices caused a lot of anxiety and paranoia… which made me very afraid to get help…so the voices got worse…and I got more paranoid… it was a downward spiral until I was taken in against my will.
I hope you can find a day hospital… it’s not easy… I can bet your scared and more then upset… but the tactile… the voices… the intrusive thoughts… it’s part of the illness.
It will go away with help.
Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.