Big news (risqué)


So I lost my virginity last night. For those that follow my posts and know I have experienced hallucinations of sexual abuse at the hands of demons and spirits for years you wil know how huge this was for me. It is something I have dreaded for years, avoided, etc. I thought maybe I’d never be able to. But with my current boyfriend I felt so cared for and appreciated by, and just felt comfortable with him and trusted him, it just sort of happened. And it was incredibly nice! It was not painful or anything. It was not scary. My psychosis didn’t get triggered. My ptsd did not get triggered. It was such a fundamentally massive different experience from my abuse. There was a lot of laughter and goofy grins and just happy silliness. It was wonderful.

I am so happy. I am so proud of myself for having come this far and taken this massive step. Sorry for the tmi but I had to share. Thank you very much to everyone who has been supportive to me as I have shared my painful and hopeful experiences in this area.


Congrats! TMI though


wow, break out the champers everyone :slight_smile: glad you had a good experience :ok_hand:


Big news ! Congratulations on everything Anna.


I tried to leave out the gritty details :joy:


Congratulations on having a happy experience! I know you have been fretting over this for a while.


my gf is a virgin


Congratulations @Anna!


Well, this kind of livens up the forums for today. I was getting bored.


Good news! I think the first time might be something you will always remember, even if you eventually break up with the guy.


Well done @Anna ! I was late to the party too. I was paranoid and strange till the meds at 29. It’s wonderful to have decent relationships after all you’ve been through and so glad it was a great experience. They new boy sounds pretty solid!

Enjoy yourself! You really do deserve having some fun and just living like everyone does! So happy for you!


That’s awesome, @Anna, congrats! I don’t think it was TMI; this was a significant event, and I’m happy for you!


The very last time I had sex, I heard some kind of new, catchy tune playing in the background on the radio by Michael Jackson. The DJ said Michael Jackson might have some new hit with a song called “Billie Jean.”


Well good for you @Anna

You’ve always been open about your struggles and I think it’s great to read about folks who’ve taken a healing step.


Well i’m glad that you’ve been able to build on some self-confidence. Good for you.


Yeah…younger millenials born in the '90s are having sex later and less sex I read in washington post article…our society is big about it lately and it is a huge big conversation topic…really though, mental illness can make it weird to be involved in dating and eventually get married…to do so is an unusual achievement eith these diseases.

Ummm, personally I try not to get bent out of shape about the whole thing. I don’t use dating apps and try not to look at the internet as a thing to be used to date and find love, like, the whole thing is a marketing ploy and its weird and alienating and drives ppl to doubt themselves and compare themselves and feel pushed into a corner. It doesn’t work, it doesn’t help ppl find happiness, no one finds casual sex spiritually fulfilling…ppl just want to be themselves…ppl don’t want to turn that game into a huge big deal like these dating services would like us to. So the whole “connecting everybody” excuse for social media is really just making ppl feel inadequate and alone, and making ppl being boyfriend and girlfriend weird for those of us who might be in a weird place…and for many of us this is already and always will be weird and scary and awkward, and we never have to compare ourselves to ppl and profiles we have never even been face to face with and feel real stress about imagined or real failures or inadequacies because life is too damn short and we need to all just grow up and turn off the instant gratification screens and face life and others and (god forbid) ourselves in a way which is way more real than what we’re currently doing…

And really just keeping an open mind and focusing on recovery and things is a super attractive prospect for me right now. So, sz forum is a place for learning and sharing info, not so much a dating forum, or a kiss and tell forum or whatever…but really the human race is not amazing most of the time, and without guiding principles we always tend to get lost in how harsh andbunfulfilling our mundane existence tends to be.

Linkedin is somewhat useful…

This week I’m realizing that looking at facebook has damaged my sense of self esteem and self concept more than anything I’ve done in years, and I feel that this “internet connection” game really just leads to ppl stressing themselves out over not conforming to imaginary online profiles of ppl they have not and will never meet and talk to in real life.

We are playing a game and losing, and we don’t even know how to win. Actually, I think the only way to win is to turn off the damn mobile phone, unplug, and reconnect with ourselves in a way which does not make us feel like trying to be part of an imaginaty world which does not even exist.

Don’t let the machine get you down @Anna, keep loving yourself, stop looking at profiles on websites and equating or conflating them with reality or real ppl. Real ppl are not wonderful, life is not like our carefully curated and orchestrated “online social” personas. Keep moving forward.

It’s a mess out there…

Love your family and value communication. Focus on health and recovery. Take your meds. Yadda yadda. Keep playing the game.

I didn’t read the thread because I didn’t wanna get triggered :sweat_smile:.


Video games may be useful and rewarding, while at the same time not having much of a negative impact on our mental health…

Something to look into…


I didn’t meet my boyfriend online he was a coworker of one of my really good friends. We were friends before we dated.


cool beans! :ok_hand: :grin::grin::grin:


Great news. Good job