Some serious stuff might happen. I’m 55 and I’m tired as hell. Fatigue is getting me down. My back is in bad shape too. Plus my schizophrenia is bothering me even though I have moments of peace and calmness and reflection about my life and life in general.
55 is way too young to be acting like I’m near the end. But things are happening. Things may turn out alright but I talked to my older sister when we went out to dinner. We joked around, talked about the latest news going on in our lives.
Then I got serious. I told her, " I’m almost done". I don’t know how much longer I can go on".
She looked at me closely and she saw that I was dead serious.
She got concerned and I told her that my work was suffering. I forget instructions, I’m slow, I make many mistakes.
My company is a company with a heart and they are giving me as many chances as they can. But I would not be surprised at all if they fired me. Hell, if I was them I would have fired me a long time ago. Being nice is one thing but they have a contract with the army and if I start jeopardizing their contract by doing sub-par work I would not blame them one bit for firing me. Business is business.
Next: I have bills to pay. I’m paying off a credit card, and I have a few other monthly bills. If I lose my job I will get another one. But being out of work long could spell financial disaster and I might conceivably lose my car because I couldn’t afford gas and maintenance. I’m dealing with schizophrenia, getting along with people and continuing to being a contributing part of society.
My sister took all this in and she said that maybe I need to take a break from working period. She may be right. My desire to work is still here, but the flesh won’t co-operate. Things are up in the air. I pretty much go with the flow but I’m wary of changes. Ironically and paradoxically, I feel like my life is under control in some ways. My symptoms aren’t that bad, I get out every day, I talk to strangers and people I know. Anyway, life ain’t all bad. Maybe I should look at whatever happens next as an adventure and a challenge.
Life. Bah humbug.
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55 is the end of the first 55. You will start another 55, Nick.
Can you be freelancer online? Then you can have a rest.
If not, you need to save money for a long vacation.
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That’s how I look at things too. Thanks moonlee.
You are welcome, nick. Your positive attitude affect me.
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@77nick77 Sorry you’re feeling a bit down. I definitely can commiserate with you about back pain as I suffer from that myself.
It’s nice that you have a good relationship with your sister and that you can have fun together but also discuss serious things too.
Maybe looking into a less physically strenuous job would be an option. In fact, along those lines, didn’t you have a job interview at Goodwill? How’d that go?
Well, I hope you have a good Memorial Day weekend. Take care.
EDIT: And 55 is the new 45. You’ve still got lots of living to do, and lots of adventures to experience.
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I called Gooodwill the day of the interview and asked them if the job they were interviewing for was a physical job. They said yes so I cancelled the interview. I hope ypou have a good Memorial day too
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Ya know Nick, im considered to be poverty level. but i say poverty in our west coast paradise is not too shabby.
i count my blessings. even tho i cant land a gold digger chick with alotta makeup and shaved eyebrows i might continue to find friends that care and the users get plucked by the status whirlwinds away from me.
being poor in america aint too bad… many programs here in california too… maybe youd like to pursue a low income apt with your free time 
Im rooting for you in whatever you do. Thanks for your example in integrity
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I love reading your latest news especially the big changes. “Get old great” was what I heard from a reality show in the US.
Don’t worry about basic necessities (in case of your financial disaster) because:
Does not life mean more than food and the body than clothing?..So never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties. Each day has enough of its own troubles.
–Matthew 6:25, 33
Of course it will never be too late for 77nick77 to find out the truth. You can dig more spiritual gems in the Bible.
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Hey Nick It’s not even close to over, you have a lot of life in front of you. If that job is difficult maybe find an office job, you can do it!
It breaks my heart to see that you’re suffering, so you’re a strong person, you can pull through.
Aging sucks but it’s inevitable. You’ll just have to learn to deal with your new “super-powers”
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I’m sorry to hear things aren’t going so well for you at the moment.
You have offered support and encouragement to me in the past and I can only hope to return the favour to you now.
I hope things pick up for you soon, whether that be through having a break from working for a while, or finding a new job.
I’m glad you have the support of your sisters. That must really help at a time like this.
Take care.
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Hi there. Maybe you could look at it as a new chapter in your life. A new job if need be and a new start.
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I relate to this, and I’m sorry for the stress you’re under, @77nick77. I’m getting worse in so many ways…not better, and I’m so tired that it’s just harder to maintain what is required for daily living. I’m so glad you have your sister’s support! I hope you find the peace of mind you need right now. 
️
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Dear Nick, I hope things go well for you and that every day you have good moments.
You have such an excellent work ethic. Because of your back, I hope you will prioritize taking care of yourself with as much dedication.
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Thank you @Minnii . I appreciate this post. It really helps.
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Thanks turtle. Any support will help. Have a nice day.
i said a little prayer for you nick, hope you don’t mind, good luck.
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Have you considered exercise? They say it improves just about everything. Just take it “one day at a time”. Never mind the big picture. I am going to be 69 in July. You can improve your physical and mental state through exercise and eating well.
@77nick77…
Get a note from your psychiatrist saying you can no longer work, and go on government disability…your employer may make up the other half.
Hop for the best, prepare for the worst. Also have you considered giving your resume to recruitment agencies? Let them find you some non physical work if you think you can handle working.
Hi everhopeful.
I’m using the employment services of the mental health agency that also runs my housing. I have one on one meetings with an employment counselor, once a week. I went to a job fair with her, she gives me leads for jobs to apply for and I’m also using CraigsList.
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