I’ve had some paranoid psychotic episodes… with strange synchronizities. Wich made me think and do much things for being a “better” person, trying to inspire my “audience”.
It struck me some moments ago about it being untrue too how I really am.
I have trouble exhibiting anger, and exploring my sexuality, and several other things.
Bit of phobia mainly about the anger, both in myself and others.
Trying to get into accepting myself and others through so called Shadow Work, working my way up to doing Lucid Dreaming, I still feel watched and judged for thoughts though.
And clearer dreams gives more things too compulsively analyze. Trying too let go of overthinking.
How do you people manage being yourself while feeling watched?
If I worry about being watched, I try to remind myself than the person watching me has the most boring job in the world.
I fart, I pick my nose, I pace back and forth, and I stare into some sort of screen for most of the day. They can’t possibly have any fun watching me.
Also, if I fear being watched, I try to remember that I’m not special in any way. Nobody would get anything from watcing me, and most people wouldn’t bother actually going through any lengths to watch me. It’s all in my head.
Yeah I’m in therapy, CBT, every second week.
Mainly talking about what’s been happening lately though. Not much problemsolving. Though I look into quite a bit of self help stuff online and in books. So the therapist might figure I get enough of that.
I don’t quite understand CBT, and that might be why I don’t get so much out of it… Read an article a few weeks ago about therapy getting better results if the patient understands the method applied.
Also got a supportive hippie deluxe girlfriend.
Thank you,
Yeah good so far.
I’m trying to let go of fear about engaging in conversation more deeply. Both IRL and online.
Through warming up, being myself online and with my partner I hope to see that I’m an okay human just as I am.
PS thanks for the nice thoughtful replies to this thread everyone. <3
Wonderful that you have support! You must be an awesome person to have such a caring girlfriend! Stay vulnerable in therapy. Speak up about what you need to learn and receive.