So over the years I had the tendency to run away from things in life, sometimes becoming homeless or destitute. I look at this as a way of avoiding stress or ‘reality’ and acting irrationally. I have met others with this condition who got themselves into situations for similar reasons, that for the purpose of this topic I will call “being free”.
Often you will hear what could be considered ‘positive’ freedoms like driving a car or being able to protest, or generally be able to do and think what you want. However, I had the unusual belief, in that it is uncommon, that freedom was the absence of certain things which could be considered ‘negative’ freedoms. These things are realties like need for money, having to adjust to social situations, taking care of property, having lots of possessions, dealing with people’s expectations, etc. This belief of ‘negative’ freedom dominated my view for a long time, and I viewed the world as constraining, unfree, freedom illusory, and people as being bars in a cage to name a few perceptions.
I thought that if the world hadn’t advanced to its current modern conditions, I would be able to exist with sz in poverty like the majority of people. Negative freedoms would allow me to not have to prepare for the interview, need much money for shelter, need to travel long distances via car on a daily basis, have to interact with rational and rationalized people, work full-time, and so many of the other things that make up modern existence.
So I had this idea of being free that was distinctly sz, in that there was a paranoid element, that the society was designed to be less free in terms of negative freedoms, and more free in terms of positive freedoms. I found that as a sz, there was lesser access to positive freedoms as the condition puts you in a constraining legal and medical state that take away rights and freedoms, and also more vulnerable to things that take away negative freedoms such as economic and social demands.
Anyway I had more delusions related to the political situation that was responsible for these constructions, but that would be getting political.