I like to find articles that just sum up beautifully what I find hard to say or want to say.
This one in particular describes a problem I have with most models of ‘treatment’ out there or just how I also personally try to get by in life: ‘fixing’ behavior.
Anyone with any good sense will know and see why trying to ‘fix’ something is a bit of a cruelty and its not a good thing to live with internally.
The problem is it exacerbates the surface ‘addictions’ and fails to address the underlying issue - which is usually some intense feeling/pain/distress/thoughts.
And more so, it causes you to operate from a place of ‘shame’ which some good sensing people will recognize as you being ‘off’.
From the article:
“When we respond only to the presenting behavior, attempting to moderate or change it into something less destructive, the danger is that we ignore what’s underneath.”
" Of course we want to support young people. Their unhappiness upsets and scares us. It makes us feel useless and somehow culpable. But in our panic we’ve developed a whole behavioral industry based on achieving measurable goals, whereby we decide on the outcome we want and then work backwards, plotting tangible measures that will lead to the behavioral change we deem necessary."
“Beneath their behaviors, all young people — indeed, all people — are searching for meaning in their lives, meaning that they hope will leave them feeling more worthwhile, loved, connected to other people, safe; meaning that explains why we’re on this planet, and why we have to die.”
Of course, I want to say the article is aimed at ‘young people’ but really it’s about anyone and everyone.
But it’s why I’ve stopped looking into ‘self-help’ and instead try to accept the way I really feel and see things and it takes patience when you fear negative feelings - especially fearing they won’t change.