Hello… I just wanted to share my feelings because I feel really good after a long and an arduous path to recovery.
I was admitted into the hospital not once not twice but four times and that left me damaged and also my parents were devastated. I was diagnosed with SZ in 2015 July. At first I did not understand what was happening to me… I was taken to the hospital without my consent or knowledge. It felt like I was being kidnapped by my own family. When the first time I entered into the hospital I was in a state where I was thinking that I was working for a mafia leader in India secretly and all the big film stars of Indian film industry and Hollywood and football players too were supporting me. They knew who I was but due to my secrecy they just sent me secret messages which I had to decode. It was like fight club. I was watching a lot of movies and felt that all those movies had a hidden message for me… after watching Matrix I felt like I was “The One” and even saw the woman in red dress on the road. I felt that all the enlightened beings and celestial beings too were talking to me and that I was doing god’s work.
I used to work at Amazon Hyderabad as a customer support executive and felt that my colleagues were harassing me by calling me gay because I was not mingling with other female colleagues. So once I got into a fight with a co-worker and hit him hard and they sacked me from my job.
My parents were in USA, Pheonix when this happened and when they returned to India I was violent and abusive.
So under these circumstances I was admitted into the hospital … I was heart broken from the fact that people weren’t believing me and that I was completely wrong.
When I was released from the hospital I did not feel good at all … and I was doing a lot of weed at the time which I thought was some kind of a tool to communicate with god.
So all these things happened and I was on and off meds till 2017 and got admitted 3 more times.
But I finally gave up on weed in 2016 Feb, since then I have never smoked weed and I am proud of it. I realized how harmful was it for my health and finally got back on track. But jobs were something I did not enjoy a lot because I always wanted to do something which excited me so I was into film making as it interested me a lot and also trading.
So currently I am working on my business and also film-making. I like to watch and make documentaries. Some day I will make a documentary on mental health issues and drug abuse.
I am happy with the way things are going right now… I almost sold my Xbox-One because I didn’t feel passionate about gaming after SZ but now again I am into a lot of gaming and I love it. Playing lots of fifa, assasins creed origins currently and have in my collection a couple of other games.
Since I started gaming I feel confident about myself again…feel like I am back. This forum has helped me a lot too… there are wonderful people I’d like to thank …with whom I have interacted and with whom I haven’t. Thanks for making this forum what it is… and also a big thanks to all the mods and also the admin… I saw a thread where it read something like… “do you feel proud when SZ Admin gives you a like or replies to you” guess what he liked one of my comments… I feel proud…lol.
Thanks for taking your time and reading this.
