Been Thinking About My Ex-Wife Lately

I have been divorced for more than two years and separated for more than 3 and have recently been thinking about my ex-wife more.

I was the one who initiated the divorce process as I found she was trying to talk/ was talking to guys in another city where her mother lives. At the time it was the last straw for me as I was sleeping on the floor in another room while she had the bed and I was working very hard to keep the family afloat while she was overdrafting the account almost every week.

I wasn’t fully psychotic when I initiated the divorce process, starting with kicking her out, but I became psychotic during the divorce process and was in the hospital 3 times between when I kicked her out and when we divorced.

I gave her a second chance after I was finished being hospitalized for the third time but I also let her know that my mental health took priority at the time. We were talking to each other (as a couple) for a short time and were trying to work out how to move forward together when she suddenly said she had met someone. It hurt me to hear that but I knew I had to take care of myself .She was pregnant not even a month later and that definitely changed things.

I know that I won’t ever get back with her unless she changes and actually cares about me and somehow managed to change her priorities. I know part of her cares about me but I think she has moved on almost entirely. I moved on albeit in a bit of a rough way and part of me keeping us from getting back together is that I didn’t want to weigh her down with my issues.

I miss having my kids and being a family but I don’t miss all the fights and stress. I want her to be happy, which I hope she is now, but I am having a hard time being happy myself

I don’t feel up to dating very much now as I don’t know how to connect and “be myself” - I am not who I was before and I still feel like I will be the one bringing down the other person in a relationship.

I do miss the good times though and I wish things could have turned out different. We had issues before I kicked her out but I stuck it out as long as I could and I was always the one meeting her demands or making more of an effort, it wasn’t healthy. I miss having her around though, at least I miss part of her.

I am pretty certain that I will stay alone though, at least for a while, I just can’t see someone caring about me enough to want to be with me with all of my problems.

I was with her for 9 years, that’s a pretty big chunk of time. I am not stuck on her I just keep having thoughts every now and then and also have had dreams. I wish things were different but I guess I am happy with some of how my life is.


The problem I keep having though is that I see myself as damaged goods and I feel second rate. Having someone to be with helps me do stuff for someone and feel that I am needed. I don’t like being a commodity either though, I just wish I could be normal and have a better feeling about myself and who I am.

This disease has left me low on dopamine which used to make things hold interest in my mind. Now all I care about is what goes down my throat, money, and my kids. I am just out of touch socially and on a personal level I feel like I have lost a part of me, the part that made me me is just not how it used to be.

I also have trouble with knowing what I even like in the opposite sex as personality traits. Online dating apps make everything so superficial I just can’t figure out what is real.

At least I can tell this pizza I am eating at the moment is not the best, if only I could evaluate things this naturally in my attempts at relationships. I guess it’s all tricky for even normal people but I know my brain is to blame for a lot of my problems. Just something to somehow accept I guess. Whatever.


I used to say :

“You can tell how crap your life currently is by how great you think your life with your ex was”

Ex’s are ex’s for a reason.

It’s time to move on.

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I don’t have many exes, but I take great discomfort in knowing that every woman I’ve ever loved is with somebody else and happy now.

I hope at least one of them is a train wreck, to be honest. I’m only human :stuck_out_tongue:

I know exactly what you’re going through @brandotron.
I was married for 7 years but we were together for 9 years, it’s been a while since I’ve been divorced.
Although it was a rocky marriage we did have some good times.

From time to time I’ll wonder how her life is going.

This is only natural but it’s really best if you move on with your life.

I didn’t have children from the marriage.

Do you at least get to see your kids regularly? I hope so. Try to let your ex go. I know it’s easier said than done, but it’s important for your mental health since she’s moved on.

I think a therapist could help you work out who you are now and who you want to be. It’s a good and healthy journey to take, and learning things about yourself may increase your self worth so you’re not so down on yourself anymore.

I have moved on as well as I can but just have had these thoughts due to Skyping my kids and her talking to me. My parents thought she was talking to me a bit more than normal and I did too although I redirected the conversation with them.

I have brought my relationship up before in therapy but I really have trouble feeling self worth , relationship or no relationship I just know I am not how I used to be and have trouble accepting it

I don’t think about her overall much outside of dreams that I can’t control, that has been frustrating but I guess it is expected after being with someone so long.

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