Be very Cautious with Karma as a mistress

About 30 days ago… That was short. My youngest brother got drunk and blacked out… beat up my sisters car, hit my sister and got his butt slapped detox and rehab. He’s due out of residential any day now. His girlfriend packed her apartment and went back to her family after my little brothers violent episode. She’s not his punching bag either.

He just called, now he want’s to move in with me. I told him that would not be possible. He started to beg and so I told him what was going on with our kid sis. She’s bleeding internally, and starving to death and stress is eating her alive to the point of hearing voices and seeing drowning people… (I can feel the cosmos say… “Now James?!” So Ok yes, a bit of the drama queen has come out.) But my sis is going to need less stress, not more stress moving in with us.

John asked if I thought he had anything to with this… Karma is going to kick my butt because I basically laid the blame of my sister’s stress illness all on him. I didn’t expect him to cry… and cry… and cry. So later I have to go down there and talk to him. I have to apologize to him and Karma.

Why don’t I think before I get like this. My Zen training is not going well today. Now I feel bad too and I was thinking, maybe he could move in for a few days. I would like him to move in with our parents. He is just starting recovery. I don’t know… I wonder, would I be able to help pull him up, or would he pull me down? I should be there for family… They were there for me. But this just might not be the time.

Either I just dented my Karma, or me loosing it on him is his Karma coming back. It’s all a ponder. Karma is no easy lady to figure out.

Have you ever thought that maybe if her life were less about her ailment, that it would help her? I know it helps me to see other schizophrenics. I can get that perspective. But when I’m all by myself its only about me. If your brother moves in, maybe she’ll find healing in helping him.

Sometimes, its only when you don’t think about it…

It sounds to me that your sister should have some say in this.

Peace be with you Ridgerunner

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I think you’re letting your conscience take over your rationality. I am very rational so when things like that happen I often see through people’s emotions and just figure out which actions need to be taken…but judging whether or not you want to live with your brother is a rational decision for you to make…sometimes people who are very conscientious get manipulated, but sometimes very conscientious people are the only ones willing to help people. It’s a judgement call for you to make.

I score extremely highly for conscientiousness (ironically) and also highly for aggression and domineering, so I kind of know what it’s like to be conflicted. I found this out when I was formally evaluated.

Evaluations are awesome but mine cost a thousand bucks…

But that’s just my opinion. I think your sister needs to get well, first and foremost…She sounds like she’s too stressed at the moment…way too stressed.

Does she see a therapist? I know people often think they don’t need them…one of my friends is having some issues and he thinks he’s smarter than any therapist out there…

…sorry you’re having a rough time, but you seem to be doing well yourself!

Wow, there is so much stress going on in your household that I can’t imagine bringing in more, with a recovering addict.

Your sis needs to get well first. I wouldn’t even think about taking on more stress until she’s healthy and happy again.

It is important to be there for family. But you can be there for your brother without him living with you. There are many ways you can support him. You’ve been through the rehab process yourself. So you can talk to him and share your experience and insight.

I know you always want to help people. And that’s a very admirable trait! But you need to prioritize right now. First is self-preservation. Second is your sister’s health.

I know you can make the right decision here!



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She does see many therapist. She will participate in family sessions too until recently she also had sibling support group. After a really bad rescue situation last year she and the whole lifeguard team has been going through PTSD watch. They had their 6 month review a four months ago after the second deposition. (settled out of court, no blame to the lifeguard team) She has therapy galore.

As far as me doing well… Odd… I seem to be very insulated. I’m not sure I like it. It’s like my parents want to take care of their only daughter, but they don’t want to “upset me” Which is why I was told they didn’t want me coming with them to my sisters appointment today. All this heavy stuff is happening and yet it’s not hitting me.

This is NOT really happening in reality… This is purely head circus stuff… but it feels like I am in the middle of a circle of salt and this Wiccan energy circle has been erected to protect me from any negative emotions. So all this worry and fear and stress is just bouncing off. (again, head circus stuff, I’m not actually standing in a circle of salt, I’m typing at our desk by the piano.)
If it is going to do what it usually does, I’ll be falling apart in two days.

I still feel bad for making a grown bother cry. But I was so annoyed at him. Karma is going to be so mad, maybe…

Let’s take karma out of the picture for a minute.

I think John is going to cry and cry right now because he is most likely in a feel sorry for himself stage. I don’t mean this harshly but if he wasn’t then he would understand that putting this kind of pressure on you and your sister is not the right thing to do right now. He doesn’t have alcohol bolstering him so he is going through a down time. He does have other options like moving in with your parents. This option however will probably require more effort from him then living with you and your sister. By all means apologize for completely blaming him for where your sister is at but I would not recommend letting him move in with you guys. It is to new in his recovery and chances are he will pull you guys down. You can be there for him without jeopardizing your own health and stability or that of your sisters. Sometimes a little tough love is what is needed. You know that from your own recovery. What will you do if/when he decides to bring alcohol into the home?

Oh man, (whap) thank you for that. Your right, if things are high tensioned enough, either action would be bad. Freak out, kick the youngster out in a fit of unhinged I don’t know what…
or the worst scenario would be pull up a chair and a glass.

I was just remembering how I felt so turned against when I was coming out and no one was giving me an easy ride. I really didn’t understand at the time why people couldn’t just accept getting dry as enough big improvement. But your right and I do know this deep down… in a way, the easy part is over. The hard part of facing all this and actually picking this mess up instead of insulating from it is just about to begin.

This was a surprise, I called the sis quickly and asked what she thought and she went hard core. “NO no and more no. 20 tons of no.” She said he needs to let Mom and Dad work their magic and put some structure in his life. She said that he needs to face his darkness and she’s not a doormat. That was weird. I don’t know where this doormat thing is coming from, but cool. She’s laying down a hard line. I was sort of sure she’s let her favorite partner in crime do what he wanted. Times are changing. I’ve met Karma and her name is Riley. She’s a little thing with bright red hair.


it is okay that your brother cried he needs to own this, him moving in with your parents is a good idea.
i gave my opinion in another post of yours, but again don’t let him live with you.
i am a stranger to you and i still want to kick his butt for what he did .
your sis needs to heal, and needs peace to heal
take care.

I hope your sister gets better. How are you holding up with your sister struggling so much?

My comment is that if you let him live with you it may be hard to get him out after just two days. And that he will manipulate you in to letting him stay longer. Us addicts are good con men and very good at manipulation. I’ve seen it in myself and I have seen it in other addicts. Not advising one way or the other, just my thoughts on the matter. Do you have half-way houses ( also called ‘clean & sober houses’) in your area? I think that would be the best place for your brother.