Bad meth trip causing brain damage/ psychosis

Unusual Beliefs
#1

I’ll probably end up deleting this…

I did way too much meth one time… And it ■■■■■■ me up so bad. I didn’t realize how messed up I was and I had no idea what was about to happen. The TV was talking to me, full on 100%. They were saying the government has this new “meth head test” you can take using the TV or radio I guess. I thought they could somehow measure the amount of meth in your brain or the amount of damage it had done.

I forgot exactly how the test worked- you were supposed to follow this dot with your eyes and say stop when you started hearing voices outloud… I kept trying to do it and I couldn’t.

You were supposed to remain quiet while taking it and I thought that meant my thoughts would mess it up somehow. So I felt pressured not to think a single thing and I felt like if I failed this test- I would be considered a meth head for life by everyone and by the government. I thought that people could read people in a certain way, and it was the norm… And i thought the government would automatically let people know this person (me) is a meth head… Like a heads up. Like… People look at me and automatically hear “meth head!!!”

So much pressure was felt and I kept messing up. The TV was telling me (or the voice in my head… I can’t quiet remember where I was hearing it from) that I failed. They made it seem like this huge deal, I failed, my life was over. I am now a meth head. They gave me 2 tries. When i failed those times they were like “okay most people don’t fail it what is wrong with you… This could be serious. We’re going to try one more time and that’s it.” So I was freaking out all serious about it.

And at this time the government was letting my family know something really bad was going on with me and that they needed to be around because I was going to need someone. (So basically this was just a huge ass deal…)

Well I failed the last time. I was in shock and I didn’t know what to do. They said the limit is three times to take it. I kinda just sat there in shock. Really not knowing what to do. The TV was still on. God talked to me through the TV saying he made a deal and they were going to give me this test ONE LAST TIME
(I was so relieved I got another chance and felt so lucky and thankful I started balling my eyes out thinking thank you god thank you god)
and the government came back on and said they had to ‘reset’ my head so I could start fresh…

note… All of this happened really fast. I was feeling every emotion x100000, my mind was literally in overdrive and couldn’t take this. It was the scariest thing I’ve ever been through and like I said my mind was in shock and couldn’t take this

They talked me through this mind reset thing (this is scary af) saying, alright you’re going to feel pressure here, and I felt it. They said “feel this here?” And I did. It felt like they were tensing up parts of my brain, but towards the end, I felt my brain literally … Tense up reaaly really tight and then like … Release… That doesn’t explain it right… It felt like my mind literally blew up. Like my head was just bombed. Like a volcano erupted in my head. It was the scariest feeling and I will never forget it. (WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BRAIN?!)

I remember hearing that I’m changed forever. That everyone’s going to know. God I’m sorry this post is a mess. I haven’t written about it or tried to be specific about it since it happened. But I was traumatized by this. I think I ODed on meth, and my head literally did something it wasn’t supposed to. And I haven’t been the same since. And I always hear that I have a shot out brain and that I have brain damage. These thoughts are debilitating because I believe them and it scares the ■■■■ out of me.
I used to be somewhat normal and my thoughts were good and nice and interesting. Now I feel shot out when I start to think about it. I don’t know.

After this whole traumatizing episode thing happened I heard the TV or whoever… Idk who… Tell me the meth head test was just a joke. And I took it way way way serious and turned it into a life changing test… Idk why I did but I did. I chose the wrong direction to take that… Maybe if I wasnt tweaked off my ass alone at home this wouldn’t have happened. ■■■■ I don’t know. Btw this was a few years ago, and I left a bunch of stuff out… Its hard to remember it all. But I remember it all feeling so real. Its taken me a long time to get over this. I’m still not over it. I feel like my brain is damaged… I feel like I was messed with by something, idk what… Probably evil because meth is the devils drug. But ah whatever. Sorry my post sucks but that’s my story.

This isn’t me anymore. I’m sober.
This was just a horrible trip.

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#2

Glad you’re sober now, sounds scary…
I had some scary lsd trips in my life, and a scary one on mdma, never done meth though, thank the potato lord.

Try to break your posts into paragraphs so people can easily read, we szs have real issues with big blocks of texts :slight_smile: Some of us can read it, but you might get more help for your issues if you break it down.

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#3

I’ll edit it now. I need to brush up on my writing, but did the story come across? Lol I could have told it better but I tried.

Lol, potato lord. I still don’t get it. :stuck_out_tongue: I’ve never done LSD or MDMA. I just did weed meth and pills. I wish I could go back in time and be smart enough to not do meth… I mean come on… Smh

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#4

Yeah, sounds like a scary trip mixed with sz… I had something similar, so I can relate.

#5

I just have days where I hear voices telling me I ruined my brain that day. That I have brain damage. I’ll be having a bad day with my thought process and the voices are like … Rememeber that meth trip? You ■■■■■■ your life up. Sorry.

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#6

That sucks. We tend to blame the drugs for our psychosis but I think we would eventually get it anyway, and that sounds like you want to find an answer to your issues, like if you didn’t do that meth you wouldn’t get psychosis, but you would probably get it anyway. If this helps at all :confused:

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#7

You’re probably right. I was having symptoms before… But that day changed me. Thank you btw for taking the time to read and respond to my post.

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#8

No problem :slight_smile:

#9

What you describe sounds like “amphetamine psychosis”. You can get that from doing meth. It is probably a blessing in disguise that you didn’t have a pleasurable experience with meth. You probably didn’t have a pleasurable experience because it was your first time, and you were a lot more sensitive to the drug than someone who has taken a lot of it. You build up a tolerance for meth fairly quickly, and you start needing more and more to get a high from it. One time I told this girl in high school that I had taken ten white crosses and got really wired from them, and she said, “Oh God, I can remember a time when I could get off on ten white crosses, but that was a long time ago.” I can’t get high on stimulants these days because of my med’s. They kill the high I get from meth. It is probably fortunate that is so, because I have a very addictive personality. I’ve smoked some good crystal meth before and didn’t feel a thing. I saw this girl on this program about meth abuse, and she shot a half a gram of meth into her neck with a needle. That is an incredible amount of meth to use with the needle. She was messed up and very, very miserable.

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#10

Gj kicking that beast…pills n weeds diff lol glad ur doin better…

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#11

Stay sober that stuff is going to anchor you into a painful reality

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#12

Oh this wasn’t my first time using. I used to be addicted, for about a year and a half off and on. It was just this time I administered it different and I used way way too much.

#13

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

#14

Sorry I couldn’t read the whole thing right now, but so glad you’re off meth. Stuff is scary and makes you look terrible, lose teeth, would hate that to happen to such a pretty girl as yourself. Good luck often times sz and substance abuse goes together. We don’t have a meth problem here on the east coast, it’s heroin here, but I heard about other parts of the USA, meth being big.

#15

meth will ■■■■ you uuuup. Ive had a few times on this it is just not good for urself… Majormajor this is not abnormal at all esp w a predisposition… I think u r taking it too hard, and even if the governmsnt did claim u r a methhead…Its not the worst thing to be

#16

6 months latter in a French accent…

#17