Hi. I’ve been acting mad for a while, but the past 3 months have been a living nightmare. If you haven’t tried it, here is a warning to stay away from methamphetamine. It’s the most evil thing ever. It’s black magic basically.
Girl introduced me to it, it was all fun and good for a bit. Then all of sudden, it was instant delerium, worse than diphenhydramine (dph/benedryl). I just got out of the psych ward as an involuntary patient (I went awal/awol (?) three times in 5 days of being there. I hallucinated so intensely that I even bought a replica of a 9mm pistol. Weighted the same, and I swear most people would never guess its a fake. I bought it because i thought i genuinely would need it to scare off … “them”.
I slept 2 hours every 2 days for 2 weeks. The hallucinations were brutal, I had to develop a “idc, kill me” attitude to cope. I saw family members and heard their voices, it was exact. I was close to suicide, for realsies. Only reason I didn’t is because I knew it would never end or that my death would cause not a funeral, but a party, a celebration of my suicide. People would stand up at the funeral, and mimic or tell jokes of things I said.
I even took the fake gun and threatened my father (also had a hunting knife, 8" in hand), swearing I’d kill him unless he admitted the conspiring against me all these years. IK. ■■■■■■ up of me. (note: cops know, I actually had a sane moment, and stupidly called the cops on myself, went to a psych ward for 4 days. father didnt press charges. just as a fyi).
They say meth can take the kindest soul and turn them into a demon. It’s true. The pope, the buddha, all would turn into a version of hitler. Stay away from it. I still, a week off it, am worried the hallucinations werent hallucinations, but yeah…im not sleeping well tonight, its too risky to sleep. What if they kill me in my sleep? Yes IK its likely delusion…i have my doubts though.
Currently on 20mg of zyprexa and 400 mg abilify injection. Doesn’t do sht to fight it, but i feel my spine shake and the thought of what it would be like without the meds.
Meth is gross and evil. And it probably has forever ■■■■■■ part of my brain. Idk, amphetamine never did this to me, so i thought methamphetamine would be no different than cocaine years past, but last longer and work better than adderall. Nope, its just evil and now half my family wont talk to me, and the ones that will, they aren’t convinced im a good guy anymore. Straight outta hell.