After coming out of the hospital for the second time in a month my diagnosis has gone back to schizoaffective with depression. The weird thing is i dont hear voices i only can feel old scenes of my life play out. And most of my past has been horrific so my brain has lots of fun making me remember all my past trauma. Also im sorry if i freaked anyone out a week ago it was a really bad time for me and since im isolated by the world i have no one. Been thinking of getting a cat. Idk but something drastically needs to change in my life. Whats more depressing is that I have a deep love for Japan but apparantly the mental health system is horrific so i guess i can’t be there long term if i decided i had enough of America. I guess Canada could work. Who knows thats a decision down the road (or maybe soon if Donald Drumpf wins). Im still alive which saddens me but i guess that means i got more of this ■■■■ to go trough. Maybe things will change. Im on Welbutrin and adderall now on top of zyprexa and it has been working for me. Mornings are a pain but i keep pushing forward. Maybe i need a girlfriend. But i know people in relationships who are miserable so maybe thats not the cure. Who knows?
That cliche of needing to be well first before you get a girfriend is very true.
Maybe a cat would be a good idea, just remember they live for lots of years so you need to be his best friend and don’t abandon him/her!