Damn… Been a crazy couple of months… I was pretty much relapsing since thanksgiving… The storm has passed though… In 24 hours it’ll be 2016…
God what a mess all that was… Was its worst a week ago at christmas… The best about 9 hours ago when I finally got it right with an amazing girl who had previous been a facotr in my relapse. She’s leaving town tomorrow though. I’ll let some time pass and then really try to pinpoint how she feels. Hah to think my chances with her overall are about 98%… Pretty insane. Like the deal is sealed and I just have to be patient… Extremely patient… She uas college for at least another couple years… And she is probably the lifelong academic type, leaving me to kind of wonder how I fit into that equation. From what I can tell she wants me too. I think she was afraid of things moving to fast, but also she’s tired of feeling alone up there in Chicago. It took me a while to trust just how busy she is… She’s always got somewhere to be.
I likely would have ridden with her back home… But it’d wind up in me watching her work for 8 hours… Then maybe 12 hours of time with her/sleep… Then a train or bus ride back…
I gotta get on top of my money quick. I totally love this chick. She is so cool. She has extreme sympathy for me having this illness.
Sorry… I can’t talk to/be with her right now… After all this I just want to talk about her. It helps me process it.
Her sitting there nervous on my couch… Legs pulled in and talking about different things with me. Trying to sort out how things might work. She tried leaving, then I moved to kiss her… Which kind of settled her down. Helped both of our nerves… but she was still on her way out. Obligated to spend at least some time with her family.
I immediately pounded back some beers… Started to feel like a nitwit… Confused by how to handle the happiness and success of a situation like that when they are so rare… Perpetually seeking the next, I actually got a break from that.
One of these days… Within the next couple months I’ll be with her again. Right now though I’m trying to figure out what to do until then.
She is too smart. Knows what I am doing and talking about better than me in some cases. Its a totally different standard than I’m used to. Most girls have no idea what I’m talking about when I even get slightly deeper than what’s going on on tuesday.
But I’m going to pay off my amazon store card… Try to get repairs on my car financed(get it all done and pay for it over the next year.) about 2g of stuff is my estimate…
My background check cleared with uber… So i gotta get put on my moms insurance and then i can start earning legit cash. About 400$ a month after paying my mom for the use of her car… That’ll get me way ahead… I’ll get back on finishing my electronics empire and having a couple grand in the bank.
Hmmm… Also this chick is challenging everything I thought I knew about physics… So I have to go back and look over all of it again… We’ll be talking and a topic or project of mine will come up… She’ll doubt it off the get go… Cause well i make some fantastic claims… Then we sort through it and there is a middle ground of what works and what needs work.
Part time authoritarian… “Oh you’ll go back to school… It can be within 20 years or something… I want you to study physics.” I feel like I should be studying everything else at this point though… Business, language, comp sci…
Geaaaaard my future is looking cool. Can’t beleive I met this chick, quite certain I can’t jynx it either…
Might try writing… But not until i get next months money in and pay for the basics. When I know whats left I’ll get a few permanents and probably save my first hundred.
No ale or coffee or smoke… No restos… No nothing. It is the only way to optimize focus and stability.
I think that’s it… Wish it was tomorrow am already… Write that rent check… Consolidate the last of my food from this last month to see if its enough. I have 16$ beyond that for different things.
Ah what a fuggen mess though. I’m not celebrating holidays next year. This girl is an athiest… Finds family troublesome to deal with… And despises holidays… Ring a bell to any of you all?
I might even move up there with her… Get a taste of a different city… Come back here once a month to check up on things and coordinate my rent payments and all that.
Still got this weekend gig cleaning the pool hall… Constantly forget about that.
I know the difficulty of what this girl is going through with her courses… Actually I’m sure its worse because she is hitting some high level stuff I just approximately taught myself about. It’s important that I don’t distract her too much… That’s going to take patience.
Obviously though… I met her… It’s not a commited relationship but its obviously physical verge on romantic… I might flounder about here and there but I don’t think I’ll mess this up. I’ve got no desire to sleep with anyone else…
Ah this is getting lengthy… I gotta work on getting some good sleep. 12:32 am and i just woke up after an hour or two of sleep. Now its either finish off the last beer ive got in there… Or finish off the last beer ive got in there…
Gonzo just plays possum all day there.