I suddenly want to abandon all my best projects: my Buddhist practice and the meetings I have been going to; my Recovery training and the group I started myself; eating out; spending time with my stepfather. I fear I am headed for psychosis again. My plan is to sit at the kitchen table and think. I console myself by thinking I have chores and tasks at home and errands to run outside. Weary of fighting off the illness. Weary of doing and thinking anything at all. Fearing onset of cancer as it runs in my family. My goal is to get through the day and go to bed.
I hear you and feel for you. The issues of aging are not all in our heads either. I have skin cancer surgery in 2 weeks, my wife got sudden onset severe arthritis last month, and shingles a week ago. I say try to keep within the support connections you have but the hell with your practices and trainings for a while. And give this mood time to pass. Best of luck.