I’ve been doing meditation a lot lately and reached a point where I thought I got to the bottom of my ego, but concluded that there is nothing else to me. Now for the last couple of days I’ve been staying in bed and doing nothing because I believed ‘everything is boring’. But I have discovered today that my ego tricked me into believing that everything is boring so that I can avoid the unpredictable nature of reality/ life. I don’t know whether it might be because living life fully then being interrupted from life’s natural high points by voices calling me names and bringing up my past is too painful or if it’s just a clever ego playing tricks to prolong itself… I want to live life fully though…
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I’m in a similar place mentally. Not wanting to go out due to fear of the unknown, particularly hallucinations.
I want to be in perfect control of my mind before entering the fold.
Yeah, that’s fair enough too. I just miss the love that I used to feel. But the voices have scolded me for any love I’ve felt or thought continuously for 6 years…
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Hallucinations are a total gamebreaker. I can’t stand em.
They’re getting polite as my alt. treatment progresses and I barely hear them now, but there’s like some PTSD about experiences I’ve had outside that discourage me from going out again.
Something I have to figure out quickly.
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wow, that’s really great, congrats.
what kind of treatment are you doing?
oh ok, that’s a pity, but you will get there in the end, just keep working through, good luck. 
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I am taking Daily Essential Nutrients by Hardy Nutritionals, on top of 1 mg Haldol. Just over a month into it and I am recovering steadily, it’s great.
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Good luck to you too.
wow. that sounds pretty good. how severe were your symptoms before hand?
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They were like 3/10 voices and 4/10 headache. Now it’s like 0.5/10 and 1/10, respectively.
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nice ) do you eat a specific diet as well?
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My diet is pretty bad. I try to avoid wheat and dairy, and I’m supposed to eat low fat foods, but I had like a big ol plate of fries yesterday, and I was well recovered enough that I didn’t flare up. My joints didn’t enjoy it though.
Oh, I can relate to that, I’m addicted to eating meat pies. I cut out wheat and dairy a little while ago and my positive symptoms improved. I am back to wheat and dairy now, but it still seems to be a bit better than before.
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