Asking about adoption: Weird or normal?

I realize that my son’s Dads have to constantly tell the story of his adoption and I wonder if that’s normal for people to be curious or a weird thing to ask about.

Obviously two cis men didn’t birth a child,

So for many people, that means questions.

But is it rude?

They tell us all the time that we’re constantly in their thoughts not just because they’re grateful to have a child,

But because they are always asked the story of his adoption.

What do you think?

Is it just normal human curiosity or does it kind of cross into nosy?


I think it is normal curiosity. You’ve said you have contact with your son, so he wants to know about you, too.

Kids ask about their birth stories a lot. So he gets to hear two stories! Lucky kid.

  • Weird
  • Normal

0 voters

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I don’t mind sharing the story of his adoption,

And they don’t mind either.

But it’s kind of strange when straight up strangers ask them about it just because they are gay.

I guess that’s what I’m talking about.

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I think it’s weird. Yeah, if the kid has two dads he’s most likely adopted, but from whom and how is not the business of anyone else.



Hm. A bit of both. People feel they can ask all kinds of stuff.


I think it’s normal to have a lot of questions.


I think this type of curiosity is normal. And good on you for staying in contact with your son, I think that says nothing but good things about your character.


I am walking in, probably in the middle of your narrative a tad bit, but at first blush, I would say that if it has something to do with you(intimate knowledge), meaning your schizophrenia, then it is really is a problem… and a good question. I see both sides, probably not what you want to hear.

Also I could stand to hear more though if you think I or others can help better.

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Thank you,

We’re chatting with him and the dads today.

I’m very excited.

We chat every month but he’s bigger and more interactive every time.

Can’t wait for him to move back to the states so I can hug him again.


I’m just asking if a child is obviously adopted,

Is it appropriate to ask about it or not?

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Ok. But, like it begs the question from me (at least walking in somewhere in the middle); "Did you give your son up for adoption due to your schizophrenia.’

You don’t have to answer! Just hear me, bc if I don’t understand everything(yet?) others may not too.

Most importantly is in real life, if you find yourself answering questions about your Sz. But I’ll leave it there in case took a wrong turn somewhere. I read your posts 3 times so I’m trying to help.


My parents were asked that question all the time because my parents were white and I was Korean. It irritated her to no end. But adoption was not popular back in that time. Because my children are half white, I get asked all the time if I’m a nanny. It irritates me to no end. But adoption is more common now. It’s a newer thing for gay men to adopt, so it attracts more attention. People can be unbelievably intrusive. I’m glad they are open to talking about it. Personally I find it annoying. I think the more gay couples adopt, the less people will ask.



I’ve never wanted children.

When I feel pregnant I was older, in my late twenties and my symptoms were under control.

My schizophrenia didn’t play into the factor.

It was all about doubting myself as a parent, for different reasons.

Thank you for reading my post and trying to fully understand it,

I appreciate your help.


Interesting prospective you have there.

I’m sure all that is aggravating.

But you’re right, the more common it is, the less nosy questions will be asked.


There’s still a lot here. Do your adoptive cis gender dads, have privy to your diagnosis?

Then I can vote I think… if I knew that.

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Yes, they know I have schizophrenia and am stable on medication.


It’s probably “normal” as in common, but I voted weird because it’s rude. It’s such a weird question to ask out of the blue.

I think if someone were considering adoption, particularly for presumably similar reasons (another gay couple, for instance), it would be less rude if those intentions were divulged early on and the dads of your child were given the option of wether or not to discuss how their child became theirs.

It seems as though no one minds the constant retelling, so it doesn’t seem broken.


Knowing a lot of parents that chose adoption due to infertility, they all feel it’s very inappropriate to ask about adoption. It’s obvious two men didn’t have a child together. The only reason to talk about it is to be nosy.


I think there is a natural human curiosity, when two gay men have a baby. It is outside the norm quote-unquote, so they feel the need to ask more so than if it were a straight couple

Is it rude or inappropriate? Little bit

But if everyone is okay with that, that’s the main thing