Ask Patrick

We could make this a weekly feature. My own advice column…

Ask me any question and I’ll give you some sound advice! :wink:


Lotto pics???

Thank you for asking, 5713!

My advice to you is that when you walk down the street to buy your Lotto ticket, stop and Krazy Glue your balls to a fire hydrant.



Why am I not happy about meeting up with my friends tomorrow…I’ve been looking forward to it for a while but now I am just full of anxiety and sadness…why…:disappointed: Tell me o wise sir Patrick

Thank you Anna!

Buy a little gift for your friends! I’m sure it will make their day!

While I’m waiting for another question, I’ll give all of you a little relaxation tip…

Stand naked in a farmer’s field and make balloon animals out of your own genitals! :slight_smile:


Patrick i feel so tired and unhappy …what to do???

Thank you far-cryO!

Just keep being yourself. You are extremely well-liked on this forum and have a lot to offer. :slight_smile:


Thanks big brother…

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Boredom tip…

Find a porcupine and stick it down your track pants! :slight_smile:

Anybody else?

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Is “coast thru life” a good thing or bad thing?

Thank you Zoom!

I believe stapling tea coasters to your nipples is a fine way to pass the day. And very fashionable I might add! :slight_smile:


I’m consulting my Ouija board right now…hang on…


Okay I’m back. Any more questions? :slight_smile:

Patrick what iz ur qualification …

I think we all need to do more good in this world…

We need to STOP buying clothes manufactured by disenfranchised Indonesian midgets…and START donating more money to poor Chinese children who keep getting their heads caught in mechanical rice picking machines!

There. It had to be said.

Thank you for asking, far-cry0…

I have a PHD. (a pool hall degree)


I once got lost while hiking in the woods…

I survived by making a fire out of my belt buckle, a toothpick and my belly button lint. I drank my own pee. The only upside is that I now speak fluent wolf.

So don’t be shy! Ask away! :slight_smile:

I just ate 400 mg of modafinil as well as a handful of diet stimulants and it’s still hard to get out of bed. What do I do?

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Nice geniune question…aint modafinil a wake alert…

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Modafinil is an amazing drug. Technically it’s a wakefulness promoting agent but can also raise your iq and help with cognitive deficits. It’s the only thing that helps overcome some of the negative side effects of other drugs I take. When I hear people talk about horrible fatigue, brain fog, lowered functioning due to other drugs I pray that they check out this one


“When I hear people talk about horrible fatigue, brain fog, lowered functioning…”

That usually means they’ve been reading my advice column.