As the world turns, these are the days of our lives

The roommate is getting annoying and pissing me off. I try to be understanding but when his irritating, obnoxious coughing starts I have bite my tongue and grit my teeth and try not to let it bother me. And he makes a weird crazy sound about every 5 minutes it seems like. It’s a cross between someone clearing their throat or something.

I keep thinking he does it to make me mad but I confronted him at least twice and he swears that he is not doing it to bug me. But I know people are liars. I can usually keep relatively calm but not today. Sometimes I’ll mimic him and do the irritating noise back at him (like our neighbor upstairs does) ( I hate the neighbor too, but for different reasons.)

And the month I moved in this 57 year old roommate told me he’s “messy”. I lived here for two months and I didn’t think he was that messy. I was expecting puddles of milk on the floor or spaghetti sauce stains covering the counter but he wasn’t that bad. But I took it upon myself to do most of the cleaning which is mainly the kitchen and the bathroom.

Luckily we both have good habits and the bathroom stays clean. But last week I told him we are going to split the cleaning and he picked the kitchen and I got the bathroom. No big deal. But for my first four months here I would wait until he went to bed t about 9:00 pm and then I would get up and fix myself some snack and do the dishes and clean the kitchen.

He leaves boxes of food and his coffee can and a container of vegetable oil out on the counters so I put it back neatly every night and wiped the counters and wipe the stove. But last week, he picked the kitchen so I stopped doing any cleaning in there cold turkey. And the kitchen went downhill this past week.

He cooks without cleaning the counters or the stove afterwards. (he’s not schizophrenic by the way, he had brain damage as a kid and got psychotic). But I look at what he does in there and I just marvel at , how can someone think it’s OK to drop sh*t on the floor and not pick it up?

I can’t fathom how he thinks its OK to live with someone you don’t know well and just leave dirty plates at the table or leave jars of peanut butter out for a week. I hold my tongue but I almost lost my temper when I got home from work today and looked at the kitchen that I went to all that trouble to keep clean for 4 months and this guy trashes it in seven days.

I’m calming down but I have to sit this guy down for a talk. I don’t need the aggravation and I’m not going back to living in a pig sty like my last board & care home was. This is a nice apartment and easy to keep clean and if this paranoid schizophrenic can be neat and clean so can that guy who brags every week about having six children with six different women.

He thinks its cool but if he could read my mind he would know that I don’t find it cool at all. I think he should be ashamed, not proud. And I’m going to ask him how many of these kids did he put through college or supported while they were growing up. Because I already know the answer: none of them. OK, I needed to vent and get that off my chest. There’s a lot more but this is all for today. Thanks.


Not much i can say. But i completely understand why you feel the way you do @77nick77. Hope you can work things out.


Always a tough situation but better getting the chat out of the road now before it totally sends you over the twist. Approach it as a friend…mate we just need some little rules and some standards around here. I’m not busting your balls etc. Keep it smooth and he’ll come on board hopefully! Good luck with it!


You got moral reasons, and then you got logical reasons.

And you got millions of people outside of your walls.

Don’t get into a moral dichotomy any more because when you do, you do the illogical thing. This becomes a loop and a habit, and this is adapted to in the other guy, so it’s in him…it’s in the apartment from my perspective.

The thing I learned about low rent dudes and gals is that most of the time they’re chewed up, and they are taught to be bad. They get downright disgusting when you want to elevate standards because…

…get this…

…you’re using moral reasoning.

It’s that simple. They know you are on a moral vs. logical double bind in your mind. You’ll do the moral thing which is the illogical thing, and they’ll do the logical thing which is the immoral thing.

That’s the dichotomy that they see everything in you, about you, and everything they do. It’s just how it is.
Blame nature.

They keep their sanity, and they buy some practical fulfillment. You lose your mind, and you lose your fulfillment and maybe even your safety depending on how you are “locked into that contract or agreement.”

They think that they earned it, and it’s right. And it is right in a logical and practical sense to that individual. It’s morally wrong though as in a social context though because of being roommates, and…

…you are a roommate landlord which means that what is logical to you is the moral right vs. moral wrong.

Anytime people become two or more, they are obligated to use moral reasoning. That is natural law. If you neglect moral reasoning, and you elect to follow only your logical reasoning, then you have broken contract or agreement. It’s like illogical but immoral or anti-social.

The guy can’t just be a Bobobot on your flat that you are running. He’s gotta come up, or send him down river to the next guy’s flat with a lesson about being a jerk “in this city.” Maybe you’ll fix him up for the next guy.

It would be a relief if we could get everyone fixed up right.

Don’t back off that moral thing. It’s gotta be right, or you’re being impractical and even illogical because you are the master of your flat now which automatically implies you are running a social domains. That means MORAL RIGHT AND WRONG. :slight_smile: You gotta do it right, right?

You have craigslist and you have all of these other things. You should be handy on that thing. :wink:

I just thought of something. I self educate myself all of the time. I caught this one lesson from a guy that’s a millionaire real estate agent. Him and a lot of others like him always get a new property with a lot of rental units, and then they run property managers through it up to about 12 of them. They just hire, test them, and fire them. They are that simple and literal about it all in about one year if they need to in order to get the right fit. It’s not just a logical fit. It’s a moral fit…as a manager…which means you do the right vs. the wrong without a problem; moral right. That’s a very technical term and a very technical reality we’re talking about.

I suggest that you cycle a bunch of roommates through your place just for the fun of it until you got what you need.

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That time I wrote it should make sense. :roll_eyes:

I need to edit more often.

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I get what you are saying. Basically you’re saying keep on the moral high ground and don’t cave. This apartment is rented by a mental health clinic and we pay them the rent and once every three weeks a counselor comes by and checks in on us for problems. They want to see if we’re getting along and if things are running smoothly. I wasn’t planning on ratting on him but the counselor presses me about if he’s doing his fair share. I can usually get through to the roommate and he’ll usually understand about some things. But I want him to understand everything.

But yeah, both of us will probably stay here at least a year. Housing is hard to get in this area and I’ve moved a lot around here and priced dozens of other housing situations over the years and I know what places are going for and I know for a fact that I won’t find any place cheaper then this. So he’s got to shape up.


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