So I fell asleep during the day yesterday. I woke up in the middle of the night. The first thing I feel is that something is lacking in my system. My meds!
Now I feel nauseous and depressed. I do feel more calm but the feeling sucks. I start thinking about things that are not in my control.
I get depressed because I sleep during the day and that I am up all night. I also get depressed living in my apartment. Neighbors talking trash about me. Also that I’m stuck in life. I don’t work, I don’t study. I feel useless.
I don’t want a relationship because there is so much shame and stigma involved with this illness. I don’t know how I would approach someone and ultimately dropping the bomb. Saying, “I suffer from a psychotic illness”. People are very shallow these day’s.
believe it or not…I told about ten women I found online for dating and I was completely up front about it when they asked why I was on disability…then I found my wife…she loves me even though I’m mentally ill…you can do it ! you are so young…!! my first marriage I was 45 before I got married.
I have to get past the stigma and shame. I haven’t found myself in that place yet. I’m very scared of telling people.
Even though strangers know. People that bullied me. Women that walk past me saying “psychosis”. (I had my psychotic break in public). Neighbors walk past my window saying he has psychosis etc. It’s a very demeaning situation.
You wouldn’t believe me if I told you my whole story. You would think it was a story from a crazy movie. I had rumors about me. But most people have heard it all. So they are fed up talking about me.