Is getting through the day a success for you?
Not anymore. I’ve been upgraded to general depression about the dead end my life has become due to my inability to work normal hours and produce respectable income. It’s a more mellow and stretched out sadness than the crazy paranoid fear I had when I was really sick my first couple of years.
Still it’s a big upgrade. The last time they were unbearable was when we tried a med that didn’t work well in 2018 and my voices became mean again for about a month. Thankfully that went away when we changed meds back.
Why are you unable to work normal hours, produce a respectable income? Is it side effects from your meds?
I mean I’m working towards it, I got my first job in 8 years a month ago. It’s only 6 hours a week but the pay is decent and I’m doing well at it.
My biggest problem is voices and insomnia caused by voices. I can’t wake up early in the morning. The job I work now is late afternoons at a learning center for kids.
I could probably work a job with decent income if I pushed myself and secured a vehicle, but my resume is not impressive and I have to hide my illness.
It would be easier if I didn’t hear any voices for sure.
So your voices are nice now but they talk to you a lot and keep you up all night? Congrats on your new job.
Thanks! Yeah they still talk but they say stuff like “I love you” and “don’t worry” and sometimes they narrate what I do, but they don’t call me names or give me commands or say anything uncomfortable the way they used to. It’s weird. They still are distracting but it’s amazing how much easier they are to put up with when they aren’t actively antagonizing you.
I see. My voices have been very mean to me lately. I have an appointment with my pdoc soon and its like they’ve become more mean to me because they know I’m switching medications and they might be eliminated soon which is like death to them. Have you ever seen your voices do anything like that (react in an informed way)?
Thanks for sharing so much by the way. It’s helpful.
CBT helped me reframe how I react to my positive symptoms. They can be distracting, but they really don’t affect me otherwise. I work full-time without issue.
Work was never a problem. The divil wasn’t going to stop me earning a few bob.
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