I used to smoke it. For the first few hours after… my voices went away and I felt happy. Then my hallucinations got stronger and more colorful. That was sort of fun.
As I continued, the immediate effects were nice, but I was growing more and more paranoid all the time. When I wasn’t high, I was sliding into deeper and deeper depression. for me… when I was stoned, I’d forget to take my meds.
Soon it was like… smoke large amounts of pot to get a good effect, then when those effects wore off sooner, I was left with more paranoia, more disorganized thinking, more negative symptoms… then it started messing with my sleep schedule… then I was much more paranoid and my head circus started amping up.
I slipped around this time last year. Six years previous I was clean and drug free… except for June, July and August of last year where I was thinking “what would be the harm in just little, I’m doing so well now.”
Well, I nearly relapsed fully and I’m ashamed of how I acted in those three months. I can not believe I didn’t loose my job. Even though I had stopped smoking pot in August… It took all the way through October to get my paranoia and the rest of my head circus back under control.
I know some who can smoke it, and love to smoke it… but for me… my high times are long over. It really made me worse. I do feel my break in November was caused by the last little kick leaving my system. Have no idea how I didn’t end up in hospital.
Then of course it was time to play on the med adjustment see saw all over again.