When I was young, I looked a bit like Brad Pitt on crack…now sadly, I just look like crack. 
(This joke of mine never gets old!)
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Although it is tough you have deep insight into yourself @anon10648258. Insight leads to acceptance and you’re already working on that. Acceptance leads to treatment. And treatment leads to wellness. Best of everything on your journey. Baby steps every day.
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After I find balanced in life,Leisure,hardwork…it seems ok…
I’m OK with who I am, but my voices hate everything about me,
I think I define myself as others would define me. I feel completely stateless (i.e. without citizenship). I just straight up think schizophrenia= shame and disgust so you’re not a person. I’ve even thought about killing myself and leaving a suicide note saying “I’m not violent. My country didn’t love me. No one will. And so I’ll die to prove that I am not violent.”
I’m working on it. It’s not easy, but I’m just worried that I will end up dead before my rare disease kills me…
That is what my problem is. I just define myself as to what others define me. I need to fix this.
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Excellent insight @anon10648258. The stronger your sense of identity the greater control you have over the quality of your life.
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You are definitely worth it @anon10648258.
Please don’t be so hard on yourself.
Sending you a virtual hug)))
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Hi Mom!!..
You’re not alone. I have severe SZ with severe negative symptoms like avolition, apathy, anhedonia and self-neglect. I also had catatonia. I can’t work or even volunteer at all, I am a burden on my parents and society. I tried suicide 3 times and would have succeeded when I swallowed a whole Tylenol bottle if my parents didn’t caught me vomitting red pills. I vomitted many times on my way to hospital. I was 21, Drs told my parents that I would be dead from complete liver failure if they took slightly more time to hospitalize me. I still have liver pain sometimes.
I tried to escape mental hospital and throw myself from a nearby bridge. Security guards stopped me.
I’ve never been okay with myself. That’s why I hope there will be other lives in which I will be someone else completely different from my current self.
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That negative self talk will be the death of you. I struggle with negative self talk at times. I too have both mental and physical problems, and stay home. But I don’t feel that it defines me. I like who I am. I’m a sweet, loving person. I’m a good friend. I’m passionate about music and the arts. I love my community. Think of your strengths—we all have them.
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I’ve never wanted to be anybody else but me.
Only once when I was psychotic did I wish I was my cat…but I’m not counting that one!
I feel that way but my life has always been hard. I’ve had a really hard life. I won’t go into it though.
But I’m 44 now and am just now learning who I am and when I realized how unique every human being on the planet is it made a big difference in my acceptance of myself. I don’t have to be thin to be valuable or the most beautiful or the most talented. Your DNA sequence doesn’t exactly match anyone else’s on the entire planet. I wish I’d known this in my youth.
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I always tell my teenage daughters…
"You won’t care what anybody thinks of you by the time you are 30…so why not start now? 
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No Im not comfortable with who I am and I probably never will be