I feel like, I fit in society by acting like I do. Most of the time, I only hang out with friends and such to pass time and because it is healthy. But in reality… I like to hide in my shell… do creative work, reply email, listen to music and just be alone. I have grown to like my loneliness, during sane moments.
Who knows what the future holds… but this is where I belong, biased.
Ran into too many social situation that went hostile over time and even some groups ruining people to get rid of business competition or scare people to use for favors/slaves. Some friends started to behave too badly in public on hate-monger issues since I’m a ‘thief’ on disability pay after PTSD & long-term psychosis…Some of the public displays were so bad with multiple people doing a hate-show, I would get arrested for saying anything back and possibly have to serve a mental-hospital sentence for months at own expense for responding to anything that bad and left me unemployable around here it was so bad. Other friends have family to take care of & support. Was told once by wise old teacher, some of the protestant church situations do leave some so hateful toward people, your old friend is dead and have to leave it behind as these will talk so much behind your back even, could leave you unemployable (frequently baptists will act like that and pretty manipulative too). I really enjoyed socializing too, I miss it but area is so nasty, people are being ruined for socializing around here to be used for favors/slaves and some friends ‘LOST IT’… Have a friend from college I hung with a lot last year but she is back in relationship so no need for me (kind of co-dependent kind)…Rest is lost, dead to me or family who have no time for me anyway…All former coworkers are still really respectful and friendly but met so many bad ones since, I’m scared to even take work around here again with their help as I was threatened so badly during one humiliating black-ball. I have some friends out of state I’m still close too … I make friends really easily too. I don’t get too chummy in my new home, neighbors are talking nutty so better to avoid these – the ones acting normal are fine to check out usually but just don’t want to get close to this as I’m just crashing with family right now taking care of sick relative.
I am definitely a loner. I spend all my time alone when I am not at school, at my volunteer job or with my kids. I have no friends besides one. I am not a loner by choice though. I love people. I love being around people and activities. I have been isolated through no choice of my own. It’s a long story but basically I have been abandoned. Like I said, I have one true friend. That’s it.
I wish I had more people in my life but they have to love me and want me in their lives.
Only if you have money… they will love you. This is why I am a hermit. I have few good friends too, whom I love and stand with… But people like this are rare… and one day, they will have their own things to take care of… When I got psychotic the first time, my family took care of me but I was traumatized of having nobody by my side at all in the first 6-8 months.
So no wonder
I’m still hitting some cheap events in city…Like the art or theater scene, they both feed the creative work. Like the nature too, feeds it but is not a great outdoorsy city here…Too many catches to the outdoorsy thing here as the outdoors groups have squabbling plus unsafe city trails and don’t know anyone I would want to take. Alone is okay sometimes but horrible others times like drug dealers following me around in country when I wanted to do a photo-tour of area waterfalls … Could get a small group of people killed to run into WAY-TOO-NICE car piled with 20-somethings acting anxious in wrong place…I already knew that area had that kind of stuff reporting already so knew to turn around in crowded driveway and get heck out of there…
@Jimbob hears a phrase that says - All neck and no meat
For me… I do not hear voices but my thoughts are intense… and I recite to myself things that I have read or heard or seen somewhere…
Some phrases I have encrypted in my mind
If only people would see their self reflection in the mirror, they would see how ugly they are ?!
(I have the phrase how ugly they are repeating in my hamster wheel)
Some curse words from some weird people in the past
Ya, I lost everything before I went crazy and none of my ‘friends’ were there for me. Not a one. I ended up spiraling straight to the bottom. I slept in a shelter and lived in my car during the day (thank God for my car!). Then I went crazy and ended up in the hospital involuntarily. When I got out, my poor, elderly father took me in and that is where I live now. That was 2 years ago and I am still alone. No one cares about you when you lose everything and are suffering. Sad but true.
In some ways I am truly different than a lot of the folks around me.
I don’t seem to get the right balance of alone and mingling. I don’t seem to know how to do mingling. I can do alone well enough, but sometimes I don’t like it.
I don’t really think I have any friends irl. There’s one guy who used to be my friend that i got to say will come over when i get my own apartment. I also don’t really go out just to go out. It’s for food, haircut, medical stuff. Well once in a blue moon I go out to eat with relatives.
I don’t have anywhere to go to meet people to be friends with. If I did, I suspect it might be a slow process.
Wow I’m almost like that guy from Welcome to the NHK. But less creepy.
Actually though, I don’t dread shopping for groceries at Walmart or much of anything where I go outside.
I’m a loner nowadays. I don’t have friends in this town. I have a few good friends though they’re far away. A bit of a hermit too. Don’t go out much these days. I don’t hate myself but I do wish my life was different.
I used to love every one but seem to dislike some people now because their behaviour etc
I still could have care for them n possibly some form of love or like or just care etc but not respect.