Because sometimes I think my rage (mostly at myself) will go out of control.
Self harm (if I’m correct) is not a good solution to anything.
Well i’ve been posting for about 5 months now and i havent had an increase in the stalking. So i’m guessing the fbi and the like arent here. Though the dreams have gotten pretty crazy.
I’m not even thinking there’s a problem. It’s like blood lust axe murder ideas. It’s inherited. My dad was a child in a bombed city and did not have the usual restraints of conscience.
We all have our range of thoughts. Only you know which ones to act on though @chordy
This is where I doubt my mind - do I really know enough to control these impulses?
This is one subject I always feel some want to retract from because I’m afraid people will think I’m promoting something bad.
I’ve found writing dialogues or imagining dialogues between two characters helps me to reveal some underlying thought to find resolve.
Lots of dialogues I’ve imagined are so dark though I’m afraid to share them at all.
Reminds me of something I only felt comfortable to say on my brothers account about what I think a serial killer would say on death row because the ones in the video were pretty tame compared to what I thought.
“I am a reflection of everything you pretend not to be.”.
It got quite a lot of likes and praise for being deep. I was shocked.
In general our society does not condone owning darkness because we think it’s purely evil and should be denied. But that denial only makes self-acceptance virtually impossible. It creates an internal atmosphere of disconnection and – forgot the word.
It’s a trigger word for sure. If you tell it to the wrong person you could really screw up your life in a heart beat. Therapists and psychiatrists are obligated to tell the police if they think someone is really capable of murdering someone.
I was frustrated and mad years ago and told a therapist I wanted to kill someone. Of course I had no intention of doing so, but I was really mad. Luckily the therapist knew me well enough to know I would never do such a thing but he called both my sisters and told them how dangerous it is to say that. Me and him had to have a conversation about it and he told me with any other client, he would have reported me to the head psychiatrist and he probably would have told the police but he trusted me enough to just let me off with just a warning. After we settled that, than I had to face my sisters and they warned me how lucky I was to not be reported to the police. I’ve never said it since and I never really wanted to kill anyone anyways.
I have a sick mind, but I would never take anyone’s life.
I believe in karma and I think it’s a way of life.
Video games help
I told a girl I was afraid I’d attack her when I had no intention of doing so. She got scared and reported it. Got me in a lot of trouble. We did I say that? I must have wanted to scare her. I must have been jealous.
I’ve never wanted to hurt anyone besides myself. Sure I get mad but I also was responsible for 90% of what made me mad.
My counselor said to me: “and so you are not allowed to feel angry or to feel like you want to kill someone? are you not human?”
His point was: you are okay to feel this way. You are human. However, don’t act on these things and always be kind to yourself.
That reminds me of something Teal Swan said - and tries to illustrate in her lectures - that if you accept something as a part of yourself then you can’t hate it.
I’ve had murderous thoughts often. Especially when I was around all those people in my brothers 1 bedroom apartment.
I even told my mom about those thoughts.
“You don’t know how this feels… How frustrating it is for me to see people carry on like nothing is really going with themselves. To see all this discord and sickness that everyone wants to deny. How painful it is for me to just continue on like I’m okay.”
Well I didn’t say that. That’s more of a theatrical version. The real version was pretty explicit and a bit irate.
I felt that way observing marriage. Are you married @Genbu
Part of me can’t understand the point of marriage.
Feels too much like fantasy and not based on real love.
It’s more about the appearance of how people think things should be.
Besides, I’m gay and can’t really even fully embrace that.
Being seen that way by my family makes me wince internally.
If you can control it please do. You don’t have to go that far with your anger. I’ve been that mad at my voices and their constant nagging. But I don’t own it. I would never do it. I hate that part of my flesh just as much as the voices. I did it. but its not the real me or you. Passing evil, and wrong and so i suppress it or repress or what ever and turn away from it. It develops my self control, which is necessary in this life or we become monsters, thinking it is natural or all right, because it is there. Everything is not OK. And unless you want to get in even more trouble you will deny yourself the action.
I think someone would want to murder me. But why me? I have never hurt anyone or commit any crime.
this thread has opened my eyes…please talk to a friend about not wanting to kill like your mind says…I think it’s voices @chordy not you…you understand? It’s not you wanting to kill …it is that you are delusional.
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