I’m off meds since december and doing ok.
No deliriums or hallucinations.
But yesterday while falling asleep i head my cellphone “heey, [my name]”
I know these are considered normal, but maybe it’s a sign that i’m going psychotic soon?
Nah, if you are worried you’re going to be psychotic, then your okay for now.
It’s when others tell you you are psychotic and you call them a liar…to their face…well, then it’s time to call your pdoc.
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It could be… we have a page on early signs of relapse here:
http://www.schizophrenia.com/family/relapse.htm
and more info here:
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@SzAdmin
Thanks.
I think i’m good.
The strange thing is that the only 2 times i’ve gone psychotic i’ve never had
tension,
anxiety,
inability to concentrate,
restlessness, and
depression.
, but definitely insomnia.
maybe i don’t have “classic” schizophrenia?
it actually felt good in the beggining, i was thinking a lot o theories and was interested in life. then i smoked weed and it all went downhill
i think i’m overexplaining
Nah, you’re good… It’s actually rather interesting to read what you’re putting here.
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@apathy
yeah… if u like it… i might say a little more of what i remember
i felt “connected to the universe”, like everything was perfect, ego death maybe
i went outside and it was raining slightly, looked up to the light pole and saw that beautiful little raindrops falling slowly and it thrilled me, i almost cried…
it was like the highest point of my life so far. never felt so “complete” and at peace
all my worrries disappeared, i was just living in the moment and enjoying my existence
i used to look in the mirror and was like… wtf… how could i be an animal and at the same time be me, have a consciousness… why am i me? not in a existential crisis sufferring way, but in a … well, i dont know whats the purpose or the meaning of this, but this life is happening and im enjoying it
in the social aspect, i felt like i could undestand someone deeply just by his body language, vocal tonality… i was getting the “vibes” so well, and people were respecting me maybe cus i was all the time serene and really enjoyed their company, totally in the moment. eye contact is a trip
then there was like the metaphysical part. i wrote in the door “end of knowledge”, cause i felt that what i was experiencing was ineffable.
then some weeks ago i got into taoism and theres this concept of “the tao cannot be explained” and i thought… well, that’s it
when i was like that i was reading a lot o eastern spiritual stuff and everything clicked, it was like "i know that"
it was like everything was sacred
i really miss those weeks.
then a friend came to my place and we smoked weed, and i started experiencing some paranoia and referential delusions. at this time it started to get bad.
i wish i could get back to the “first part” of this journey.
while i was like that my thinking was crystal clear and i was doing fine in engineering school
i believe i had the symptoms this guy starts to talk about at 5:53
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Yeah in my first episode I felt that way too. Although my first episode lasted roughly a month with some paranoid feelings, but mostly it was really good. Believed I had been tapping into some under ground mysticism. It was a good feeling.
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Everytime I went psychotic I generally felt a oneness and connect news with the world. No anxiety just peace. And of course mayhem
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