Mine just insult me, but do they do it for a reason. Are they trying to help me or is it just randomly malicious?
For a long time the voices were just constant chatter and insults and darkness that wouldn’t go away.
Even when I was numb and flat… it was still chatter and insults and tearing me down.
but after therapy… and upping my med dose… the voices seem to get louder when I’m getting stressed or having a panic attack.
when I start to hear them… I know it’s going to be a hard times coming.
I hope you feel better soon.
I would have long extensive conversations with them, all day long. At times they would turn malicious, at times neutral or even benign. After a while I came to conceive of it as a good-cop bad-cop game going on. There were too many inconsistencies, and at a certain point a threshold was reached. I could no longer trust their words. For as I would argue with them, or merely discuss things, I would point to inconsistencies and contradictions. They would always opt out by saying x or y was a joke or a lie. Now there is a funny thing I learned from my studies. An interlocutor is to be assumed to be generally sincere if to be made sense of at all. (Donald Davidson’s ‘principle of charity’). There is accordingly an element of trust involved in a conversation. Obviously, one can make jokes and tell lies and deceive to some degree. But if a threshold is reached such that one cannot trust someone being sincere as a default setting, meaning of words gets compromised. For someone who radically deceives cannot be trusted to use his words with ordinary meaning. Accordingly, the sustained game of good-cop bad-cop, lies and deception undermined me taking seriously what the voices had to say. This lead to me conceiving of it as mere noise, and even to desubjectivizing the voices.
There just a sign of symptoms , more symptoms , bad , less sympthoms , good
Yeah! There lying dicks, they told me I killed 60 people with my thoughts and a girl I liked, After which I attempted suicide over 60 times only later to find out she was totally fine. That was a long time ago, but after that I started doubting what they where saying. Even so on weak days I still listen to them. It just feels like they know me more than I know me. Like they see the truth or something. Which I know makes no sense cause they constantly contradict themselves.
My main experience is voices. They are pretty constant and intense at times, for this reason I use a modicum of medication to kind give me a little space, but Buddhist (vispanna) style meditation is most helpful.
Prior to voices my senses were heightened (all of them). The first clear and direct voice I ever heard woke me out of sleep telling me there was an emergency at first I was not sure what to do but got the intuition to turn on CNN, I tuned in just in time to see the second plane hit the WTC. It was the morning of 9/11.
From that time forward the voices were not exactly random, but it seemed that I was hearing peoples thoughts or conversations and arguments between people, I tried to intervene a couple times and the voices turned on me. Since that period the voices have been more occupied with what I am thinking and commenting on it. At times there are 2 to 4 voices that I deal with in one sitting.
It is never random, they also don’t try to command me. Sometimes they are extremely nasty, other times some of the voices are very helpful. I tend to distrust them almost by nature though because they are disembodied and verbal communication is so much more than sound, it requires the body language and facial expressions to really understand intent or meaning behind the verbalizations, so I have a very difficult time trusting their motives or anything they say really.
I have thought the voices were a product of mind at times, but the first voice and other situations have disproved that theory for me. I really don’t know the source of the voices and I refuse to speculate about it. To me they are just people’s voices, thats what they sound like, I take it on face value. If I get a voice of a relative or friend or someone I know, I don’t put a lot of weight into it because I don’t think the flesh and blood person really is aware they are speaking to me that way, thats the safest assumption to make for me.
I try to be respectful to them if they are simply interested, but I set boundaries for them just like I would do for a flesh and blood human being. Sometimes some of them comply other times other ones don’t respect me at all or my boundaries. I don’t care if my thoughts are read anymore but I do care when a voice starts judging me for a thought, I figure if they want to be in that space they have to recognize a thought is not the equivalent of an action, despite what some may think (lol).
Buddhism the philosophy and techniques have made more mindful and focused, where as prior my mind would be subject to almost any emotion, thought, or voice that ran through it. Not so much now after meditation practice.
Mine doesn’t look like they are random. They often try to tell me something. Like they love me a lot. but over the years i doubt what their sayings are a little random in nature. Like what i have in mind they try to make into story lines to looks sensible.
This is good. Everyone can benefit by identifying all the times that the voices are wrong - and keeping that in mind whenever you hear the voices. They are usually / almost always wrong.
Yes - usually the voices are triggered by stress - and that stress could be external stress (e.g. working in a job you find stressful), or internal (thinking about moving to a new house / apartment, etc.). Just the thought of doing some things can be stressful.
[quote=“BlueFlame, post:1, topic:35370”]
Are they trying to help me or is it just randomly malicious?
[/quote]That’s up for you to explain.
I usually just overhear random, but technical, intellectual conversations taking place. I sometimes enjoy listening in to what they have to say - I learn some new things. Sometimes they are supportive, but they grow annoyed really quickly if you try to ask questions or fool around.
I’ve also heard some foreign languages being spoken. Of course, during those times I have absolutely no idea what is actually being said.