APs and Inner Monologue

Medications
1

Have the APs removed anyone’s inner monologue entirely? Except for those times when you’d want an inner monologue at least. I’d probably be much happier without an inner monologue, especially in terms of the mind reading symptoms (which I know are garbage and delusional, but still frustrating at times)

Guys, imagine wanting to watch some pr0nz but you’re constantly “mind-reading” while watching it. It’s stuff like that. Kinda takes away from what I’m supposed to be doing while watching it, y’know?

tl;dr. Not sure if I really /want/ an inner monologue anymore. Will APs help?

2

Have the APs removed anyone’s inner monologue entirely?

Abilify has removed my inner monologue and inner dialogue completely.

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3

Some people report loss of inner monologue, but I still have it.

I think once the thought broadcasting passes, you’ll appreciate having it.

If you lose it on meds, you’ll learn to live without it.

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4

Can it ever be recovered once cleared by meds?

And I think you’re right Minnii, it’s the thought broadcasting the bothers me. If my inner monologue felt more private I doubt I’d be as bothered by it.

Is life better/easier without it?

Is reading/writing less stressful without it? I never had this problem when I was younger.

5

[Redacted due to stress]

6

I think so, probably with a med change. My pdoc says nothing with meds is permanent, but I still have my doubts about that. You can ask all these questions to your pdoc.

7

I’ll jot some stuff down in my note for her. Grazie (:

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8

I suddenly feel stressed like I did something wrong by sharing my delusion. Even though it socially cripples me.

My pdoc appt is in another week, hopefully it’ll be fruitful.

9

Maybe I should only discuss these things with my primary psychiatrist while patient confidentiality’s enacted. Or get my doctor’s okay before I discuss my more troublesome symptoms publically. I’m just sick and tired of living this way.

Was there something wrong with sharing my symptoms? Or am I just overreacting? I just want my life back.

10

There’s nothing wrong in sharing your symptoms. On the contrary, you recieve help.

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11

The voices tend to chastise me after sharing a symptom for the first time, like how they did just now. Which makes recovering that much more difficult. Not to be melodramatic, but I have been broken by this illness in ways that I wouldn’t, couldn’t have imagined on even my darkest days as a child. Even though most days I feel much more like a child now than I ever actually did as a child. A child that doesn’t function nearly as well as I did as a child, at that.

I could read at a college level in the 4th grade, ~age 9. I should be in a stable career, helping people, inventing things, saving lives. Not rotting in my bedroom for two+ years because of some hellish illness.

12

That’s all still possible, though. You’re very young, you can still accomplish a lot :slight_smile:

13

I sure hope so. I deserve better than this. A lot of us deserve better than this.

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14

Didn’t do anything like that to me. However they did quiet my head down a lot because I didn’t have the voices chattering away about everything and demons constantly harassing me.