This is part of your reality.
I love to suffer,I believe that the more you suffer in the correct way,the better person you will be,just my 2 cent
For two years I felt every minute of every day that I was just going to go insane. Itās hard to describe. I felt like I would withdraw into my head so much that I would not be aware of the world around me. Iāve seen people who withdraw into their own world. I donāt just mean that they avoid people altogether, but they are deep inside their own world, and not in ours. Itās scary. And simultaneously I felt like I was going to lose control and just go screaming mad. In the beginning it was my positive symptoms that were driving me crazy. NOW my positive symptoms have receded somewhat, but I am more worried about isolating.
Hereās what I did for my recovery. When I was 19 and all through my twenties and up to my early thirties I let my parents do what they thought was best for me. They got me into every facility, group home, or program I was ever in. I just co-operated and went along with whatever they suggested or did for me. And they in turn listened to what doctors said was best for me. When the doctors said to put me in a long-term hospital for 8 months thatās what they did. I didnāt like these places but I had no control or choice because I certainly could not do ANYTHING for myself. My parents found the nicest places they could for me. After the hospital, my parents arranged for me to live in a beautiful group home in a nice town. Their premise was that mentally ill people needed structure so almost everything was structured, daily chores, cooking, cleaning, meetings,outings, etc, I also got into a vocational program which eventually turned into a job. I then moved into supported housing. I left out one of the most important factors in my recovery and that is medication. Iāve been on it since 1983. So my recovery was based on meds, hospitals, group homes, vocational programs.
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I went through this last year. Ended up in the hospital 3 times. They gave me meds in the hospitals (always trying some new thing every time) and they did little to help.
The depression and emptiness was externally caused - losing someone so close to you youāve been with for 11 years will do that, and meds couldnt change that factor of things.
Time heals, and staying busy. Constantly finding things to do and doing them so you reach some sense of accomplishment.
I also have realized you donāt stay in that state forever. there are down times, but as the old cliche` goes, thereās light at the end of the dark tunnel.