Anyone got some humor gems for me?

I just took .25 ativan and L-theanine and GABA…I feel so focused.

My lil bro is visiting and dropped this droll gem for me:

Alejandro to bro: Where did you get. your fashion sense?

Mr. Alejandro (bro) : “I roll around in garbage and whatever sticks…”

We both got the stand-up gene it seems!

A wild @ThePickinSkunk makes an appearance! :upside_down_face:

Jk! Love you man!


Damn world can go to hell. Everything is hopeless, useless, and a waste of time.

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Hi @Alejandro

Sorry but I’m bone dry atm. But thank you for the spirited tag.


Dog says to his owner

is that all the food you got?

Owner says, I’ve got to feed the parking meter.

Woman goes to the beauty shop

says, just a trim. The stylist says, I’ve cut more ties than this.

Man wants steak, feels followed in the store, says, I guess I’m dead meat.

Young girl is into Pop music, says, I’ve carried bigger box beats.

Mother makes cookies for her kids, says, I’m a real nut.

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Try this on for size:


Three girls went to see the doctor because they were dissatisfied with the size of their breasts. The doctor told them that he had these pills that, if they took one and said a number, their breast size would become that number. The first one took a pill and said, “Thirty-six.” Poof. She was a perfect thirty-six. The second one took her pill and said, “Thirty-eight”. Poof, she was a perfect thirty-eight. The third one took her pill, and thought for a moment, then thought some more, and she couldn’t make up her mind. Finally the doctor told her, “This pill lasts twenty-four hours. But be careful during that time, because you will become any number you say during that time.” The girl responded, “Okay, doc. Thanks a million.”


Jimmy Saville got me to milk some cows blindfolded.

If you don’t know who Jimmy Saville is, google it.

best thing about getting a broken drum at xmas

you cant beat it


Have you seen this ?


why was santa feeling under the weather the xmas?

he was bi-polar


@Resilient1 why did Santa leave off of the bad kids on the list

he had a cold shoulder.


Did you hear about the melon who couldn’t be with honeydew? He can’t-elope


Three horses go on a field trip to a glue factory

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@agent101g, space potatoes is a classic.

For laughs, I’d recommend the “Instant Regret clicking this playlist” Youtube playlist, at It has almost a billion views, and the creator of it posts new content at least every other day.

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