Anyone else?

I’m lucky. Because it’s just luck that I am able to have good hygeine. My schizophrenia was severe when I was younger, but I have the GIFTS of good hygeine, motivation, and I can think rationally and logically. Even when my symptoms were at their worst, and I was locked up in the hospital for 8 months, I could converse perfectly sanely. Even at the start of my disease when I was first diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenic and I went a year without medication no one could tell anything was wrong with me unless I told them. Is anyone else like this? I mean I understand what most of you are saying when you post something. And most of you seem intelligent. A LOT of you. And I know many people on here are more intelligent than me in diffeent fields, and many of you have expertise in things that I know little about. or And I have delusions too. But I feel blessed in a way and I was wondering if anyone feels like I do.

I’m very good at seeming “normal”. If you were talking to me, as long as I’m lucid enough to hide my symptoms, you’d never know anything was wrong. I don’t choose to hide them, it’s a compulsion, like out of self-preservation. But if I’m too tired, or stressed, or emotional, or if I just lose focus, the symptoms start to creep in. I stare blankly, startle at nothing, maybe start rocking or mumbling nonsense. And of course if there’s anything for me to be afraid of, whether real or imaginary, I panic and all sense and logic go out the window.

I feel very blessed that I’m lucid and able to get through my day and have a job and get out and about a little. I think the good hygeine for me is a result of a love of swimming. The verbal communication comes and goes. Sometimes I can get quite talkative. But other times I’m down to one word replies. The guys at my job know because I told them straight up. But most others seem surprised when they find out so maybe I’m doing OK in some way.

All of my friends have no idea I have schizoaffective disorder… I guess they think i am normal

Well thanks Tanaka. And thanks for helping me last night.

I don’t have schizophrenia but paranoid PD. However i think after a while people can pick up that i’m off centre- a lot of that i think is through giving off signs via mannerisms etc. In a 2D environment, like this, a lot gets concealed. On a short,non stressed, interaction i can maybe come over as relatively normal. When i’m stressed it becomes more noticeable that something is not quite right. The irrationality and paranoia come to the fore then.

I completely second what Tanaka has said. I always value your opinion and there are many times you have added a good piece of calm cool advice to think on. Nick, you are someone I do look up to. You’ve got a lot of years of hard work under your belt and I hope I can stay sober, drug free and lucid as long as you have.

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Thanks SurprisedJ. I appreciate that.

Well, thanks Solitary.

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people can tell im sz. i have no idea why really

Nobody knows I am. My friend knows the symptoms, when I hear voices she tells me to stay focused on her. Somehow she can see I’m hearing voices. I don’t know how she does it. I’ve told her a lot of my hallucinations. But the delusions are kept as a secret. They are embarrassing.
She is a nurse, maybe she knows alreade but doesn’t say.