I feel like I’m a completely different person now. Don’t get me wrong, I wasn’t the best of people beforehand, but I was still a kid. Nowadays I don’t do anything I used to. I don’t enjoy the same things I used to. I don’t even have the same life in me like I used to. Does that ever come back?
We move forward in life, through a process of growing older, if done well, once is enough…why would you want to go backwards to being a kid?
I feel like a completely different person from some of the ways I have been in the past. When I look back on some of the episodes in my life I can’t believe I am the same person who behaved that way.
Because I had this “life” to me that I don’t have anymore. Thought I was going to be a famous rock star and everything. I had this fire to me that I thought would be blazing forever. Things aren’t exactly the same anymore.
I think pretty much everyone experiences this as they age, not just those with MI. I mean, sure, I’m a very different person than I was before the MI started, but I was just a teenager before all of this started. Everyone my age (37) would say they are different person than they were as an adolescent. Some people don’t change as they age, though, and those are the ones for whom I feel sorry.
I know what you are talking about.
I do fun stuff occasionally whether I am ecstatic about it or not. I used to sit in a packed comedy club and see 4 or 5 acts and only smile a little and who ever I am with will say, “Why aren’t you laughing? Don’t you like this”? The truth is that I found it funny and enjoyed it but I just don’t show it. An experience is an experience whether you like it or not. So that’s my point of view when I was doing stuff almost every day. I always like eating in restaurants still whether I’m paranoid or not. I don’t have to enjoy every second of an experience. Bad thoughts or nervousness crop up but its still fun in my perspective.