Anyone afraid to put up writing on this site?


I’m still working on my idea… I’ve been going through my old journals and I’m having a hard time finding an incident that wasn’t triggered by psychosis, drugs or alcohol. I’ll get there. I’m remembering the time I moved into this place.


It’s ok, I’ve been looking for stuff too. Take you’re time


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That is probably true i bet wonderdunk. I’m glad you don’t mind but it bugs me. i think it’s creepy actually. I just say my feelings to others that understand. Makes me not want to talk to much about my personal life anymore.


It bugs me too, I also don’t feel like I can share personal stuff too much


I know that I tend to do this. If I hear of something that happens to another person in my SZ group I’m sure it will happen to me soon enough even if there is no way for it to happen.


Actually, the opposite. I find the mental illness schtick to be conducive to creativity. My mental illness reeks of irrationality, only facilitated by fiction.


I actually had a thought once that sz is contangious… Before i was diagnosed I had sz boyfriends and still do have sz friends and we would share thoughts fears ideas etc… There’s a lot to think about there… Too much in fact to write about on here


Someone joked with my kid sis when she was little that SZ was contagious. She would try and use my fork and plate after I did because she wanted to catch it to see what it was like. She was about 6 at the time.


Hahaha that’s super cute! Little did she know the contaminants are spread through third party visions to brains


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Interesting. Maybe everyone is trapped in a false reality and we are the pioneers of a new era of thought and perception


Yes. I have to be very careful about the information that is presented to, or invades my brain. It is indeed terrifying at times. On the upside though, I feel like the ruler of my own little beautiful reality every once in a while. How many people can say they’ve witnessed an antimatter meteor shower, much less manufactured one??

…Oh ya, and it’s pretty cool that my fortune cookies always come true.

“A man’s character is his daemon.”
Heraclitus fragment #121


Here is goes… I hope it’s not too silly or boring…

I was getting more and more panicked about driving. I had almost stopped driving all together. I was bussing it more and not leaving the house as much and starting to be late for work more often due to the bus situation. But I was so afraid of crashing the car. What would happen if I was in a car crash? It caused me a lot of panic.

It was almost three years ago when that rite of passage that comes to every teen, came to my sister. Drivers Ed. My kid sis had asked and begged and pleaded with me to teach her how to drive again. I taught her once before when she was about 11 and I was drunk. But now, her legal age, and me sober. I had a very hard time doing it, but I guess I owed her one. Just one time out… It shouldn’t be that bad… Right?

Either I was still living in my head or I had taken too much Xanax because I was going through some rather dull feelings with no emotional swing. I was rather numb as I calmly sat in the passenger seat and my sis started up the old Dodge van. She decided to try out one of the back roads that doesn’t have heavy traffic. But as we got further into the trees, the van went out of control; we ricocheted off a snow poll, swerved into oncoming traffic, over corrected and almost hit a bigger tree. The van spun out on some gravel and came to a halt in a cloud of dust as my sis jumped out of the van and ran around a bit waving her arms frantically. I was surprised that I wasn’t too upset by this commotion. I watched her for a while. I was rather puzzled by all this… I then calmly shouted out… “Are you done now? Could you not run around on the highway?”

She finally stopped and she got close to the van and peeked in…. “Is… Is the bee still in there?”
I looked around and did in fact see a bee. I was wondering what that buzzing was. She took the key, opened the back doors and refused to get near the van until the bee flew away. It took a while. I was glad I brought a book and some extra smokes.

There is a small dent from where we hit the pole and there were tree bits in the grill, but we got the van home. She gave me hug and said, “Thank you for being so calm. I love that fact that you don’t get all freaked out about dents and stuff. Maybe someday I’ll learn to be as calm as you. Will you be my teacher for the rest of drivers ed?” I wasn’t sure I was really up for that.

I was thinking… “To be as calm as I am, you need to be getting into some negative symptom. I hope that never happens.” Later that night it hit me, I almost died due to a bee in the car. I was basically in a car crash today, and I was OK. But just incase, I should start to drive on my own again. She got me driving again. I couldn’t do any worse then she just did… :wink:

:bee: :bee: :bee:

I promised I'd do this.... no dutch courage required


Ok this is something I wrote just trying to have fun, here goes:

A walk through the city
At first it seems so pretty
Huh, I didn’t realize these sidewalks were so slippy.
Birds sing their song
Oh where did these Humans go wrong?
They don’t know anymore that their ancestors that came before they hatched was a forest, that’s now just a blast from the past.
Now buildings and pavement are so natural, they just don’t question the present habitat that they live in.
Continuing my walk, into chinatown, wait am I being stalked? It’s so beautiful, some buildings are so mystical.
“Hey, you wanna buy some rock?”
‘uhm, no…but thanks for the offer’
Am I off my rocker? I get about the corner of the next block out of nowhere a figure appears and asks a similar question.
I guess this isn’t as magical and picturesque as it was at first glance…Walking now in the state of a trance folks are comin out of the damn woodwork to receive a yes to the query that I may suggest it is becoming quite apparent to be their only request.
With a quickened pace I continue only to find that somehow I never escape their view. Like pop up ads I keep trying to click to escape. This is evolving into a race!
Ok, on the outskirts now, I begin to feel safe. Attempting to forget that experience I slow my breath and enjoy my walk. Taking a deep breath, I cough; just inhaled some exhaust.
It’s ok I won’t let that ruin this day, the sun is out and I wanna catch some rays.
I hear some arguing, I guess some people can’t embrace the, oh, ok…it must not be her day. Apparently a streetlight called her names. So screaming back seems to be the only option to reclaim the dignity she lost. But that might have something to do with wearing nothing on top but a sports bra…dignity doesn’t appear to be the only thing that’s been lost.
But alas, I shall not let this be a setback! For the love of god!!! This is the second week straight I’ve seen that dude asking for money for ‘his car that ran out of gas’.
Just, keep walking it’s not all a loss. Picked out a bench to people watch. Finally, people smiling and walking their dogs. Twenty minutes go by without a hitch! I knew somewhere there would be happy folks just enjoying this, wait…that is the same person I saw when I sat down. Are they just coming here to walk round n round? and behold! It’s The Truman Show after an hour, two bikes, a dog, a group of ladies, more bikes, a cute couple holding hands, tourists on a six person bike, and old man with his crotchity wife, two parents with children screaming, and after a while were right back at the beginning.
I book it and head back to my stop but not before seeing a twitching junkie or two, and a man pouring whiskey into his cup full of pop. Am I crazy, or is the city just a practical joke. people that commute there to work understand the reality that people from the suburbs deny to even see. Take a walk, off of your dainty maintained path, slip in some puke while avoiding the sale of crack and fall face first into a puddle of piss directly adjacent to a kid tying off for their morning fix. I think then you shall see more than a well landscaped tree, and just maybe, you’ll get a taste of what really exists in this city.

–ive lived on the side of homeless and drinking/drugging so this kind of is my way to poke fun at rich/ignorant people from the suburbs that idolize the city


I can relate to living on a bench for a few hours. Very good on the imagery. people from the burb’s never seem to sit on the benches. :smiley:


I loved your story it cracked me up! It’s very metaphorical and a pleasure to read. Such small things can build into such big things like a car crash! Little did u know a bee was what was freaking her out haha oh man. It’s so true how to handle things calmly that seem big to others, you have to go through huge experiences to see that something like a bug and a dent aren’t so life changing


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Goo I dont like that. Good thing I didn’t post something that I want to keep as my own to record later so people know the true artist! Thanks for the info btw if I post more writing it will be doodles and not artwork. Just found this out about tumblr too…after I posted some of my favorite pieces. Damn is nothing sacred anymore


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