About early February, I had a visit to the ER because I could hear my air purifier talking to me, telling me I suck at my job and other giberish (I don’t even have a job). I also had anxiety attacks continuously for a couple days, my bp was 178/120 with a BPM of 150 when I walked in with my vomit bucket.
Anxiety can really suck, but this is some of the worse it’s been as I never hear voices; sounds, years, but not voices. They gave me a haldol shot and that righted me out. I fell asleep for an hour and left when I was OK to do so.
Same thing a month later, showed up, way more desperate this time, considering suicide. The Dr. gave me a month’s prescription of Risperidone to help and sent me out with another haldol shot, which put me out and I left.
A month later taking the new pills and I’m now anxious every morning with my stomache in knots. A couple lorazepam helps a little, but I feel different. Nothing I liked to do sounds fun anymore, my family seem aquantances to me. Nothing seems to have a point and I feel like a totally different person. A much sadder, perpetually bored person. I take escitalopram 20mg/day for my anxiety and have been taking it for years, so I should have the depression covered. Either way, this feels so very different. It feels like I just don’t care about anything and nothing is worth it.
I have tried many APs in the past and usually manage on CBD and talk therapy and keeping my anxiety low. The reason is I have these bad reactions to APs and they do more harm to me than good. I’m stuck at a cross roads though:
- Stay on it and lose my life as I knew it
- Stop it and potentially deal with extreme anxiety every month or so…
Sorry if my words don’t make the most sense, I’m having a hard time.