Anger triggers anxiety?

My youngest brother’s release from hospital looms closer. I am not looking forward to it.

I’ve been having more and more vivid dreams about my brother doing something self-destructive, coming out of it Ok and my kid sis ending up dead.

As the dream fills in and gets more detailed, I am getting more and more fearful and I’ve been loosing sleep again. I’ve talked to a person who was able to do a good dream interpretation and calm me down… Thank you @Alex

Others here have been pointing out that I’m NOT predicting the future. It sure feels that way, but as I look at this horrid dream more, I’m finding little windows where I can change the action and most likely change the outcome.

First… Do NOT let my sis get in my youngest brothers car.
Second… make sure he doesn’t have a gun

But this dream has been getting worse and worse and I’m still fighting off the idea that I’m seeing the future. So I called for an appointment and was able to see our family therapist.

Her theory… my guided discovery, just like other’s have said… my dreams are not predicting the future at all.

She says that I’m so completely angry with my younger brother that my brain is finding ways to kick him out of my life and family. What better and justifiable way then protection of my sis, and setting my brother up as a danger to my sis is a justifiable way to kick him out. That makes sense too.

I know I’m not very good with anger. I don’t like the way it taste. It’s still like bitter orange peel mixed with rancid vinegar.

Some people in my life have said extend the hand of friendship. Others have said kick him out and never speak to him again. (extreme sides always)

When I’m faced with the two extreme sides lately it makes me look for the middle of the road.

I’m so angry at my youngest brother still that it’s giving me bad dreams? I guess I can see how that would work.
But I’m still not sleeping as well as I want to, and I’m still waking up with a headache and stomach ache.

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Not sure about dream interpretaion, but it is possible that the anxiety is your anger that’s turned inward. I understand that it’s hard to deal with anger properly, but I guess as you get more comfortable about your own feelings of anger, the dreams will lose its purpose to let it out probably?

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Hi J, maybe now that your brother is on medication for bipolar, he might be less of a threat. You said that he was on Risperdal, its a good med for SZ and bipolar. I would take a wait and see approach - if worse comes to worse, you guys could obtain a restraining order against him


You are right, it’s a wait and see deal. He is getting his meds by injection, so the compliancy issue has half a chance of getting knocked down.

I know the other chipmunk, (my sis) will still reach out and try and help. I really admire and hate that about her. I was thinking about this during my swim last night, and I really am still very angry with him.

But I’m not good with dealing with anger. I usually try to avoid it. I don’t see it as positive for anything. I know some people love and feed off their anger and do everything they can to prolong their anger so they can enjoy it more.

But I’m not that person any more at all. My life got better when I let go of my anger. So I try to make it go away.
I’m not that good when it comes to constructively dealing with this flavor.

Yeah, I don’t function well when I hold on to anger. I do feel more out of control, anxious, thoughts racing etc… Maybe you could see how things go, and try to plan out the situation with sis. Bring up different scenarios and come up with solutions and plans that would diffuse the possible conflict if it should arise, In the meanwhile maybe you could bring this up to your therapist. Try to release some of that anger/anxiety through discussion - also try to focus on hobbies - swimming, surfing etc… keeping distracted and active could help

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Hey @Wave , if you don’t mind me asking…

you have mentioned that you and your brother are starting to rebuild the friendship. Did you make the first reach or did he?

J - with my brother, there were many things happening at the same time. First thing was he suffers from depression; once he went back on meds (he was off of them for a while) he became more approachable and less angry all of the time. Once I saw that he was in a better place mentally, I was more confident that things could get better between us. We both reached out to each other at the same time. Also a lot of his anger and resentment towards me was because the relationship between me and his wife were strained for a while - I am partially to blame for this. Things really got better (its still not perfect) when he went back on meds - maybe things will get better between you and your brother, now that he is on meds

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I’m glad that you’re a little at comfort now, but I think that your dream is still looping in your head and causes u confusion…I do have a similar situation in my family, where I have a very close cousin and she had caused me a lot of pain, anger and disappointment in life, I kicked her out of my life for years, but I realized that she’s family and I can’t keep on doing this forever, and as much as she hurt me I think I caused her some pain too, we were in-separate friends once and by losing her she lost me as well. I came to a solution where I get a certain attitude, and at the same time allow her to be in my life again, and enjoy our company together even if it wasn’t the same as before. By knowing that she might hurt me again if she has the chance I always keep my self on guard, so she won’t do what she did in the past, and by knowing of all what she’s capable of, I treat her normal but I never let her get to that side of my life that she might mess up with, I’m always nice to her and offer her help as much as she needs, but I’m always aware and careful in my relationship with her, because life had taught me that people’s nature never change, and as much as I hope that she might change to the better ;as much as I find my self wrong in this, she always remains the person she was but with little tweaks that trick me to re-trust her again and fall into the same trap…I just wanted to share that with u, so maybe this might be the in between solution you’ve been looking for…I think you should be a real brother with your brother but at the same time never forget what he might do because of his nature, so you won’t let him to the parts of your life that you want to keep safe of harm…

Thank you a lot for this. I have been sitting here a bit wondering what I want to do. I am tired of just kicking people out of my life and never turning back. But your right, with the bit about I should be a brother but be on guard for a while.

That makes sense. I already know the sis won’t kick him out. I’ve been looking at this and figuring out a way to deal with this.

First and most important is really get it in to my head that I am not predicting the future. My sis won’t die and she’ll be very sad about something, but not dead.

After that, figure out how I can sort of get past the anger enough to even be in the same room. Then work on trying to rebuild. At least be civil for a while. I also have to see what state he’s in when he actually gets out.

If he’s mellow and lucid that will be a very different little brother then who I’ve been dealing with the better part of this past year. I wonder what he will be like sober, lucid and not manic.


The only things that come from my anger are a lot of very broken things.

You have a right to be very angry at your brother for the things that he put you through. He is changing with meds and therapy, you can too if you allow yourself to let go of what is doing you harm-your anger.
Forgive but never forget.

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Ohhhh, I very much like that phrase. There is a lot of anger inside for various things. I can’t hold on to all of it. Plus, letting it go is when everything started going well for me.

So I do have to forgive. But your right, I don’t have to forget.

Anger left inside is like a cancer that eats away at every aspect of your life, and prevents you from ever fully enjoying the life you do have.
Best to kick it to the kerb.


I bet your dreams are just your own thoughts about your brother. My son is really estranged from his 2 sisters. Just remember that you really dont have to do anything until you are ready. The best thing to do when you dont know what to do is-do nothing. Your sister will probably do whats best for her, and you can do the same for yourself. You once said that your parents never pushed or forced any of you guys together. Sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. You really dont know whats going to happen until you see him ( assuming you havent yet ) Everything has to resolve itself -in it`s own time. I hope you can let go and just see how it goes! It might turn out better than you think. My thoughts are with you and your whole family

Thank you for that. I’ve been working on this one. I didn’t have the dream the other night, but it came back last night and yesterday when I feel asleep in the bath.

It would be so easy if this were just me. Because it would be easy for me not to see him.

But I don’t want my sis to see him. I want my sis to kick him out of her life. But she already said she doesn’t think she can do that.

In the dream he gets depressed and decides to shoot himself but misses and shoots my sis instead. That’s just the basic of it. In the dream there’s blood and screaming. I’m feeling a little better as I work through this. But it’s been keeping me up, killing my sleep and freaking me out.

In reality, I’ve heard that he is going to our Dad’s birthday gathering, and he want’s to go to our cousin’s wedding. So we will end up seeing him. I have to keep telling myself it’s just a dream and my brother isn’t going to kill my sis in real life out of some suicidal stunt.

**It is just a dream-reflecting your worries. I always know what is bothering me when I start having emotional dreams. They just tell me what I need to work on, or what I need to deal with, or let go of.
You may decide not to go–but that`s ok too. **

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