Anger management / looking for mental tricks that can help

Is anyone of you ever had the feeling that they had to jump out of their own’s self to stop the building of an anger / crisis? Like own’s self has to occupy a place hold by one’s own shadow, whereas that shadow seems incapable of dealing with whatever the **** it has to deal with? I have no clue has how I can escape from myself, not sure i wish to learn how, but I certainly would like some hint or trick on how to deal with unfits shadow or me, myself, learn being better tooled to make it more fit - please excuse-me sounding crazy, hope you won’t mind too much. Don’t tell what i’m asking by now isn’t clear - thanks in advance for your help guys.

Sort of sounds like you’re describing dissociation but I wouldn’t recommend trying to make it happen, it will just make the anger worse if you cut it off from yourself instead of processing it. Festers over time and you lose even more awareness of what is causing the anger in the first place, and it always comes roaring back eventually with a vengeance.

I think it’s better try to work on self-soothing and processing. Self-soothing first, then processing by asking yourself questions about the anger and trying to figure out if there is a calm, assertive way you can confront the problem. Or just keep self-soothing, sometimes anger is irrational and it just sucks, gotta vent it out in a non-harmful way until we get tired and move on from it.

For me pacing and venting out-loud to myself helps, lets me get all worked up and get it all out there, and in the end I’m kind of tired and bored, like my mind is like, “K, that’s done with, lets go watch youtube.”

1 Like

Thank for your quick reply; i need to think about you’d just told me (ie. search the internet for the hard words, see that s*hit&Ops shadow doesn’t know anything by itself :slight_smile: how can you not get pissed???

I was a very angry kid and young adult now i rarely even get ill. Few things that helped me meditation if i found my self getting pissed at everything id go hide for 20 mins and meditate.

I found myself gettin pissed at people because i put expectations on them alot of times unrealiatic expectations. So i just stoped expecting anything from anyone and now instead of being pissed and disapointed im suprised and grateful when someone does anything for me.

And finally i listin to angry music i know this sounds counter productive and it may be for some people. But if i feel myself getting upset ill put on some hard rock or metal turn that ■■■■ up and fuggin scream, sing and jump up and down. I feel much better after it also reminds me other people have problems and other people have gone through similar ■■■■ im not alone.


« For me pacing and venting out-loud to myself helps, » venting out-loud doesn’t seem to be of any help for me; Albeit I absolutely relate with what you’re saying concercing having your own mind exhausted of throwing sit at yourself until you feel comfortable getting back at something more sane, I feel that it only add mental wounds (layers of sht) on what actually might or might not have me feel the urge to stop whatever I was doing to take an hour or two to tell the whole world about me having obviously a problem, without me knowing what the problem is - sorry, again, if i sound crazy. So I also defnitely relate to « loosing even more awareness, » too… But have you find ways to vent-out in non aggressive manners?

I think meditation is certainly a winner to try for me; i’ve tried lately to take 2-5 minutes just to breathe (by the nose, not the mouth). Wasn’t that easy. Also surprised myself saying to myself that I wouldn’t have 10 minutes every morning to breathe or meditate (like I’m that busy, right?), and that type of thing (as I was trying to convince myself that it was obviously a solution that worth the shot (and kindda of cheap to try to). Music was a so-so success for me: it gave me some sort of presence, not having to hear the silence nor the darkness when I go to bed, but it also drive me to intellectualize stuff, and of course, after a song or two I start thinking of myself as someone whom might be worth listening. Anyhow :slight_smile:
« I feel much better after it also reminds me other people have problems and other people have gone through similar ■■■■ im not alone. » Lately I was reading lyrics of a Ozzy Osbourne’s song (Crazy train, and also felt that he (Ozzy that is) had gone through things at some point - that’s from that song, by the way, that I got the « mental wounds (not healing), » expression. Thanks for replying @flameoftherhine

Best help so far has been that forum…

just a warning about trying to dissociate from someone who has a disorder of dissociation…it sucks, in my case I feel it coming days in advance, and I have to plan for it, if I don’t bad things happen. when I was on my own going through it I would sometimes come to my senses (because dissociation causes a sort of pseudo personality that you may or may not be able to understand/know) and ill be in hospital scrubs in a jail cell or an ER. a cuple times I woke up naked in the woods, one of those times it was mid January and I ended up with frostbite on my toes and fingers (thankfully no where else) and another time I ate a neighbors entire pond of koi fish RAW.

So please don’t try to ‘switch places’ with your anger or another self, because you may do something you can never forgive yourself for!

on that note, the best method I know of for dealing with anger of that level is, if you aren’t allergic to animal dander, to either get a pet, any pet, be it mouse, rat, cat, dog, guinea pig, rabbit W/E, or if you cant own one where you live, volunteer at a shelter or for an independent rescue to play with and socialize their animals! Animals have a natural soothing quality to them, and it is proven that petting a dog for 15 minutes a day can extend a heart patient’s life by a week per session! a study done by the Swedish Association of *****(sorry cant remember the word they used but it means therapists) determined that a person with anger/depression issues shows a 30% improvement after just one week of playing with a dog for 30 minutes a day!

1 Like

Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.


He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.


Patience is better than power, and controlling one’s temper, than capturing a city.

There’s an old myth that you shouldn’t wear a metal watch if you have anger issues.

Try l-theanine, it has a very calming effect at 300mg.


Exercise, exercise, exercise. No joke this is about the only tool I could find that could act as an outlet for my rage/aggression. Something really vigorous and channel that anger into it. Anyways that’s the only thing that worked for me aside from beating the crap out of random objects lol.

Or for the med route, Zoloft has helped fantastically with the anger issues. I almost don’t experience them anymore at all.


Some relevant posts and discussions from earlier:

and some videos:




I find the hammer to be one of the greatest tools for anger management-as long as you know it will never be used on anything living.
Those fat old telephone books are getting pretty hard to find, but try tearing one of those into bite sized pieces,and before you get past “T”, you will have forgotten what you were angry about in the first place.

1 Like

One of my triggers is being around my family, which I had to do for a few days. When I got angry, I would just get up and walk away. It’s not the best, but it’s better than being mean or starting a verbal fight with people who always, always win fights. When I settled down, I would just go back.

1 Like

Wow, that really generous of you - all that research. Thanks, I really appreciate.

Lately I’ve tried, with some success, to “name” the said shadow « the sz-subject, » albeit it is still there, I feel that my brain process the thought as if it was an analogy. Like the self I wanna be, is able (empowered) to follow from some distance what’s happening to sz-subject, willing to help (I kindda created the sz-subject to help me, so hey, I can give it a hand is what i’m saying - i know, i ain’t ill).

What I like about that process (we’ll of course see in a couple of weeks or months if anything positive remain) is that it help me either prepare for a diagnostic or at least have some mainly neutral thoughts toward it, instead of plainly and obvious aggressive thoughts (of course, I’ve tried to name the fckng thing Marylin Monroe for a while, without too much success, but some fun along the way). Now, in all honesty, I can’t say that it removed from all aggressiveness or aggresive thoughts, but I feel that those “encapsulated period of time” can be at least a bit constructive, rather than plainly destructive. That being said, when experiencing those hot new technologies of mine, I seriously keep in mind your advice about not trying to switch place with the things that seem to be there only to piss me off. So thanks again for that advice - I don’t feel like a got too close of a dangerous situation. Let’s keep in touch. Best.

Sorry, I mix-up my things and replied to your post through mail, please excuse (I have openned your reply in my email inbox, hence my mistake) : Hi thanks for your follow-up; the problem is that I sometimes get really angry about persons that aren’t physically around - i indeed, walk away, but it only drive me into the fight (and sometimes it takes some enormous time to get out of it - i think they call those positive symptoms or something like that (I’m don’t suffer stuff like that in public that much, but when alone in bed, I sometimes feel an urge to wake up, stand up, and throw s*it at someone -, no matter me being alone. So I’m trying to find mental trick to cool down, simple thinks like breathing by the nose (seems obvious that you don’t spell out anything with your nose, but it’s not that easy.) I wish you the best with your own angriness - and feel free to contact whenever need.

1 Like

Anger yes–I deal with this a lot
and I have to say that it is reasonable and justifiable anger
But what to do with it??
That is the real question.
I know I get confused and I know I can see all the causes and effects and the moral relativity
but anger is real
I do not let it turn into violence
I turn it into proactive results
that is the goal
Talking to the wall and dog
is a method to think it out
because I do get confused
I have been on my own since the day I was born
working it out
I believe in God

ALL negative emotions come from RESISTING, I learned this way too late in my life. Why the buildup happens is you’re suppressing your anger. This DOES NOT mean you express your anger by lashing out(punching a punching bag or a pillow, screaming etc), that’s a very bad idea and once you get angry again you’re trained to lash out and the next time when there is no pillow in vicinity the fist might hit someones face. If you stop resisting and allow the negative emotion to wash over you, feeling it fully, you’ll feel it’ll dissipate after a while. Here’s a simple technique of dealing with all negative emotions:

The technique starts at 13 minute mark. This is not a quick fix, you need to probably repeat it many times over the course of a long period of time. Most of becoming emotionally mature means feeling emotions fully and not resisting them, controlling them.