This is a poem I wrote a couple years ago. I think it does a good job describing where anger and self-disgust stem from. At least in my particular experience. It’s just a free-style poem. I’m feeling better these days, but hopefully it’ll help others realize that they’re not alone, and to persevere and push through… It’ll get better.
Alas the time has spoken still
Let it last as forever will
Holding on to what could be
Now that I have broken free
Suddenly it dawns on me
I’m not quite what I used to be
They call this 'recovery? ’
I hang my head down shamefully
Awoken so abruptly
To find that I’ve lost everything
Doomed with the epitome
Of loneliness and misery
I long for my insanity
To lose touch with reality
This way I won’t have to see
The worthless waste that has become of me
I plead to God, but he can’t hear me
I don’t know, that’s just my guess
I’m not acknowledged by society
They barely even notice me
I was once the strong one
Withstanding almost anything
Most likely to succeed
Well, my ladder my have broke on me
Everything that I’ve achieved
Means nothing anymore to me
Reminds me of what I can’t be
Nothing has become of me
But all that is quite trivial
I don’t care, Take it all!
But please don’t take their love from me
My children are my everything
Drifting further away from me
Physically and emotionally
How can I be their Mommy
When they hardly ever see me