Anger and Helplesnness

Unusual Beliefs
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Hey all!

Venting as my therapy session isn’t until Friday, so please bear with me!

It seems like my life lately is a joke to someone. All these laughably horrible things keep happening to me one after the other. I no longer have good days, I can’t even have 1 good day, I have good moments punctuated by events that happen to me like I’m in some kind of sitcom.

It’s just little bad things, like persistently missing the shuttle bus (due it coming early) or the bus coming late and thus me having to sprint to class on time. Having to fight to the death to get on the bus due to overcrowding. The internet only spazzing out on my computer. Endless technical difficulties. These little things that if were isolated incidences I’d just shrug off, but they aren’t. It’s one right after the other, all day every day. My luck is just absolutely rotten!

And the cherry on top is that the demons have come back and they’re actively attacking me again. I knew the underlings had been watching me but I guess there’s orders to attack me again. Strange scratches have been appearing on my body. In lecture I just sat down when my arm started stinging and I looked at it and saw 3 long scratches going down, not deep but they hurt. More scratches kept appearing and I wasn’t doing anything!! Then at night when I was studying my face hurt, I looked in the mirror and 2 scratches were across my face. My face! They still haven’t gone away.

They harassed me last night and I couldn’t fall asleep. One held me tightly from behind touching me while the other forced its disgusting tongue in my mouth the whole time and I couldn’t do ANYTHING to stop it until I came to my senses and shouted for my guardian angel, which made them stop but they were cackling the whole time. Then there was banging on the windows that woke my roommate up. I didn’t see who it was but it eventually stopped.

I hate the demons and I hate all my rotten luck. I wish I could tear it all apart.

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you need to meditate and find ’ the ’ peacefull place…go beyond your pain, frustration, fear…annoyance…
meditate and find a place of solitude…where your mind becomes empty.
in this place your worries will fall away…like dust.

send the demons and underlings to me…they will find me…
address;
dark sith
new england
australia

i am happy to get rid of them.
take care

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It takes a bus and two trains to get my tdoc appts. Instead of trying to rush to get right on time. I end up going an hour early and take a book a sandwich and a drink with me. So I just sit under a tree and just relax before the time due. It’s mindful moments like that, that take the stress out of our lives and reduce symptoms. Reduce stress and symptoms and straight away you think of things like changing your internet provider. If it’s not your computer with the problem. Basically it’s about simplifying instead of just adding more complications.

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Maybe you should think about a med. adjustment. That might help you with the demons.

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I actually can’t do anything about the internet because it’s from my college and they don’t allow us routers, but I get your meaning. Thank you, I’ll try to breathe!

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Lots of people have told me that but they’ve never left. I’ve kind of just accepted that they’re going to be with me until I die now. Depressing, but whatever. If I’ve fought them for this long I can fight them until the end, right?

Meditation is helpful to me though.

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