And another thing

I’m so angry…

I’m mad that I’m fat.

I’m mad that I’m depressed.

I’m mad that I did this to myself. I’m mad that I chose the last little hope I had of vanity of any kind over my own pdocs advice. The pdoc who had pulled me out of a very bad place, and I didn’t listen to her when I started going south. I chose not having a little lip pursing and a thumb twitch over being stable. AND I was offered a med that could treat td and could have stayed stable. But I didn’t want the td to be permanent and I didn’t want yet another pill. I thought I knew better. And I didn’t listen to my loved ones when they started questioning some of my behaviors.

I’m just angry and mad and I’ve never really learned what to do with anger. No one has ever told me what to do with it. Or should I say I’ve never heard it before. Maybe I can hear something now. Anyway, that’s my day.

Oh, leaf- I’m so sorry. I understand about not wanting the TD to be permanent and not wanting to add more pills to your already full pillbox. There is no way you could have known how it would turn out. Please don’t beat yourself up.

Might I suggest meditating to calm down? Youtube has some great tutorials that you can follow along with. I hope you are feeling happier soon.

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Thank you. You know what I did. I put my anger in a box and set in on the curb. It’s still there but I’m going to feel it when it’s convenient for me. I just can’t do it right this second. I don’t know if that makes sense or is even really possible but that’s what it feels like. It didn’t feel like suppressing it, like putting it in my tummy so it feels bad, it felt like saving it for later. It feels like I’m being strong about it.

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Sometimes, it’s best to take a step back and think through things when you can think clearly. It sounds like that is what you are doing. :slightly_smiling_face:

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