And all they say is "Relax"

DX'd - Sz/SzA
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Here’s what the last four days have been for me (Trigger warning, symptoms and sexual abuse reference below):

  1. A night filled with recurring nightmares of my ex raping me over and over again.
  2. A morning overwhelmed with paranoia that my maintenance man or other neighbors are going to be brutally murdered by my hands.
  3. Unrelenting voices commanding me to do unspeakable acts and demeaning me to my very core.
  4. Over-medicated periods depending on when I take my much needed PRNs.

I haven’t been able to work. My schizoaffective d/o therapist reminds me that fighting the illness is a fulltime job and I shouldn’t feel bad for being out of work. But my mother is of the mindset that I should just “adapt” to the new normal and relax so I can cope without the medication and then I can go to work.

Tell me I’m not crazy and that she just doesn’t get it. Or am I missing something about this illness?

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She is wrong. Not everyone can “just adapt” and deal with it. Recovery is a process, often a long one. It can take a while to become stable, and not everyone can become stable enough to work. It basically is a full-time job when unstable.

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Thank you. That was my understanding, too. My team is all patient, but my mother is eager to get me back to high functioning status (whatever that truly means)…

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We all heal at different rates in different ways. Meds work good for some and not at all for some. Trauma has a totally personal effect on each individual and we all react differently. So you can’t compare. Don’t feel like you have to be as Well off as the next person.But in time you maybe surprised that healing comes in time. I think some people that haven’t been where we have just don’t understand. Better days maybe ahead. It is hard work at times best wishes.

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I know that even DIFFERENT meds can work for some and not all, not just meds in general. So, my patience in that regard has been steadfast. Thank you for your compassion and well wishes. I’ll keep my head up.

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I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. You can and will recover just be patient with yourself. Recovery is a long and rough road and you should use anything you can to help yourself. Things can always improve

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Thank you for the empathy and strength. I have a hard time using the tools available to me as it is…

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