a few years ago, about 6 years i guess. i was already diagnosed sz. but wouldnt take my meds. anyhow as new years came around i begin to connect the dots between my past life and my future. it occured to me to be a good idea to bar hop on new years eve at all the bars i have spent on new years in my life. i thought it would be something heroic and ritualistic, showing my face to the same people every new years year after year for a round of auld lang syne. thinking that i would be eternal and would be a first hand witness to the changes in peoples lives year after year. so come new years i walked to the half moon saloon where i stepped inside and showed my face, one step in the door, the bartender looked at me and i walked out. thinking how foolish i was. it was like one big dare to come out for new years and face my imagined critics. now that i’ve moved i have no one to see, and no familiar faces to see. i dont know why i romanticized so much a life spent in a bar year after year until death.
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