Schizophrenia.com

An unbearable truth

though I was never religious but I always believed in God and soul and life after death somehow so I was very easygoing and optimist toward life. after taking different meds for schizophrenia I experienced different moods, sometimes jealous or hateful of people or aggressive and sometimes kind to anyone, want everything for others and deeply believed in love and many other states of mind, these lead me to this truth that we are just a live machine which works with rules of physics and chemistry and not a soul. this truth and its resulting fear is always with me and makes me pessimist about world and makes me think all of these struggles, works, wars, love and hate is nonsense and all of us are doomed to bear the life and then nothing, it even bitters my sweet moments, this truth is like bearing a heavy stone on my shoulders all the time and makes life meaningless to me, does anyone else seem this truth, does anyone else suffers from being a machine wearing by time and not an immortal soul? in my opinion this is the most bitter facet of medicating for schizophrenia that you could be another person with another chemical balance and not an immortal or even constant entity lifetime.

In my religion, there is no afterlife. When we die, we go to our graves, Only things that shall remain are physical properties, any writings we have done, and these are inherited by other people. I have started believing that there is no God at all. I suppose my religion is a kind of atheism or something. However we all are connected in the universe, I am in Finland and people around the world can read my writings. Back in 1999 when I started writing on the Usenet more actively, I perceived that my texts shall survive 100 years and so historians and other researchers can study my postings 100 years after these were posted. You know in 1914 communication techs were very simple compared to those of today and in next 100 years these techs just continue developing. The world war started in 1914.

That was a sad read for me. A few times such thoughts have intruded my mind, but I have successfully rejected them.
I also believe the laws of physics and chemistry actually point to the existence of something greater than just a living organism or machine. Unseen forces that bind atoms together, the complexity of the chemical makeup of the living organism that would take a designer and not random chance, energy auras that can be photographed.

One of the most convincing things that proved to me the reality of immortality is after my wife died and her favorite collectors coin that was lost 4 years prior suddenly shows up on a floor I had just swept earlier…no one else in the house. At the same time the same type of coin shows up on the bed room floor of a friend of ours 1000 miles away and that person never even had a coin like that in her house.

My wife while alive was known for her ability to find lost and hidden things, and had actually found hidden money a couple times. she was known for her somewhat mischievous playfulness. So what happened, what physically manifest was right up her alley.

Most people who believe in an afterlife believe only by faith, which is unseen. I’ve seen the physical manifestation of what I believed in, but at times had doubts.

Funny, back in 1999 when I was in Atlanta I started communicating messages to improve the economy of Russia. This was exactly 100 years after my grandfather was born in Viborg, Finland was a part of the Russian Imperium at that time. I remembered some old photos shown to me and all those discussions how my greatgrandfather was a Russian military officer. We still do not know who my greatgrandfather was and whose genes I have inherited. In all other family branches we have gone to the early 1700s. Still my genes from my greatgrandfather are the most significant influencers in my life. My lastname is that of my greatgrandmother who got pregnant in Viborg. I should take some DNA tests to find more truth.

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I think this is why we think to quit medications sometimes, to meet ourselves again and experience what seemed to us our constant entity, that familiar entity which we thought is constant through lifetime if not immortal.

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good for you, I wish I was a believer too.

Yeah, we die i think, no soul.

Doesn’t mean we can’t live again though.

I have no idea why, but the idea of reincarnation really hit deep and settled in to my head when I was young and it makes sense to me.

Maybe it’s because had one foot firmly out of this life when I was found by my sis and she called 911. But when I woke up in hospital and it was really laid on me just how too close I came, I got more focused on life and thoughts of after life haven’t really sunk in. I’ve had to let go of after life pondering. My head just doesn’t want to ponder the after life. I’m having too much fun in the here and now.

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It’s called neuroscience. I study it and I’m an atheist. (The smartest people are, little secret). Dude, we are brains piloting hunks of meat. You and I are just brains that know we’re brains. Consciousness itself is an illusion, it comes after your perception-- we react to things first, our brains perceive and react to things before we even know we are. Like if someone were to jump out of a trashcan at me while walking down the street, i would hammerfist them before thinking because I am trained in Krav Maga and thats what I have drilled in my head, hit anything that pops out at you while walking down the street.

Like if you see a snake or a huge spider, you jump before you consciously comprehend “thats a snake/spider, i dont want it to bite me” THEN you comprehend what is going on.

Consciousness is basically a way to sort out relevant and irrelevant sensory information, reasoning is achieved through consciousness, long term goals are achieved through consciousness. Imagine if you just ran on instinct and sensory input- that would make you behave like an animal. But some animals have different degrees of consciousness, we arent the only ones.

But whatever, yeah we are basically machinery. Watch the move The Ghost in the Shell, it’s all about the concept of humans as no different from machines- it inspired The Matrix and is one of the biggest movies to ever come out of Japan (yeah I know I always end up converting people to atheism and anime, sorry it works for me)

The Neuroscientist & biologist I dated back in 2002, who actually worked at an Institution of Neurology, would have respectfully disagreed.
She told me way back then I could share some of her words in regard to this topic.

November 25, 2002,
“those are not
plants: this is the agitation of the temple of their
souls. I feel its breath when I prepare the healing
extracts from the wild plants I gather. I. I feel its breath in the
mixtures of spice I cultivate for my culinary
creativity. Plants are great and dangerous: they can
heal and drive crazy. In my scientific researches I
study mysterious relationships between some plants and
human brain. The plants that have substances very
simile to the substance of the brain, the substances
that feed geniuses and duplicate personalities…
making people slaves of different dimensions, creating
the sensation of spiritual essence. I would like to
understand the nature of human will and the ultimate
limits of pathology; I see in them the spiritual
treasures that are accessible for the pathological
minds only and are lost when they return to the normal
state (the normal function of brain). I would like to
know how to keep those possibilities in the state of
normality (real normality, including the craziness of
love and the immensity of spirit). My thesis deals
with this. My passion of science almost drives me into
a Dionysian ecstasy…”

11/27/2002
“I believe in the pure subconscious nature of
creativity. It’s the basis of my Intuitivism. I
believe in intuition - in it’s being the voice of
spirit, the spirit dwelling in subconscious. It is
confirmed in the moments of my subconscious release -
they are my dreams, with no control from reason. When
I write, I write consciously… when I dream, it’s
purely subconscious. Multicolored, various, the dreams
strike me with their strange and different subjects…
Ancient people, molecules, minerals, imprints,
everything else… Sometimes composed from so
different figurative elements that the very absurdness
of this composition makes my visually-prophetic
abilities grow… Their symbolism is always prophetic
and its interpretation can be done just by myself. I
always see the world of my own soul only, and the
worlds of the souls of the persons dear to me.”

if the truth is so unbearable to believe you are a machine, why not take a chance and believe you have an immortal soul? I think its so miserable to just think humans are machines! God created humans in the best of forms, we are the pinnacle of creation above all the animals (except if we degrade ourselves below the animals). I also think it is a miserable thing to believe we are just going to die and that’s that, that’s the end. Why not take a chance and believe in heaven? At least if it’s true you have nothing to lose!

Dear @Saadiqah, Imam Ali has said " I don’t worship what I don’t see" OK? I cant see god anymore, that elegant entity which I felt all the time. what remains? the scientific part of my brain that judges in favor of atheism due to evidences, I wish I was like you but unfortunately I cant.( I have studied whole of islamic philosophy and mysticism so all of what you say is very familiar to me and I should say that I’m jealous of you because of your beliefs). Take care

I don’t worship what I don’t see either :slight_smile:

“The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament sheweth his handywork.” - Psalm 19:1

" For the invisible things of him from the creation of the world are clearly seen, being understood by the things that are made, even his eternal power and Godhead; so that they are without excuse:" - Romans 1;20

In the video from 8:36 on it’s really good about DNA having an intelligent designer.

The reality should not be seen as unbearable. It really doesn’t change anything. We will become masters of the cosmos either way

That was a foolish imam, whoever he was, because faith does not depend on seeing. If you see you don’t need to believe, faith is in unseen. You can’t ‘feel’ God all the time either. He withdraws the sweetness sometimes and gives you a dark night of the soul. So feeling Him is not believing either. faith in God is tested when you do not see or feel Him but you still believe in Him because you see the universe around you and know it needs a Creator to create it, it couldn’t just happen on its own, its not possible.

OMG, how smart are you.

Even though I do believe in reincarnation, I do know that this time around is the only time I’m going to be with the people who come into my life. This is going to be the only time I’m in the skin I’m in. This is going to be the only time I’m in this time and this age.

I am sorry, but I just can’t seem to ponder the afterlife. We have been given oceans, and nature and food and water, and air and love and lots of potential. Why rush to the end of the book? Why not enjoy the chapters as they come?

I am very happy to be alive.

I hope that others can find happiness in the here and now and not let good times pass by fearing what might happen next.

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:purple_heart: :heart_eyes: x 100 lol

dear @BarbieBF why do you laugh?:wink:

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