I spend some time each day, at various moments during the day, and particularly in the evening when everything has died down, listening to my rythmic amplified heartbeat. I am reminded of Edgar Allen Poe’s story “The Telltale Heart.” Outside the house, on the streets and sidewalks, on the paths and roads leading into the college across the street, I can hear my heartbeat loudly and rythmically beating. Sometimes the rythym is in groups of twos, sometimes in groups of threes and sometimes in groups of fours-never less or more than that. There is also a lot of extra extraneous noise in my mind as well. What sounds like a chorus of voices is forever chanting some hollow dirge. There is always some sort of sound wave going on with the amplified heartbeat. Around the chant, my sixth sense is churning out sentences which I tune out, as they are just too much for me to listen to any more (My thoughts My thinking). My auditory apparatus seems to be wound around the sounds of automobile motors as people round the curve at the house, accelerating or deccelerating. My breath gets caught in their noises. It also sounds like someone is beating a huge drum. There’s more, but it’s too complicated for me to want to listen to it right now. You get the general idea: the insane mind of a SZ. How I manage to think at all, you would be hard put to say. I just disregard it all.
You’re doing a lot of this meditation type stuff. I hope it’s not doing any harm. You seem to be enjoying it though, so I guess not.