Am I too hopeful?

DX'd - Other
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So this is the problem, and a problem I have struggled with for a long time…I don’t trust the government/institutions/am easily triggered/sensitive. Someone at the house recently said they’re not getting the vaccine because (trump won and they don’t trust the government) in a nutshell. Most people don’t get the vaccine because they dont trust the gov. I’m guessing. Also, vaccine passports is now becoming a civil rights issue, which I understand. So where does this leave someone like me? Hesitant. I mean medications do seem to help me, and when my mom went off Haldol she got really sick within a week or two. But I am not my mom and we have different issues. So I am on Prozac and Abilify. And right now I wonder if I stopped these medications completely maybe I would become normal again…if I just stayed responsible…but I don’t know how long that would take…and I’m also thinking of refusing the second dose of Pfizer for moral reasons…and I’m thinking of not telling anyone about going off the meds…because it’s annoying to constantly try and explain and justify myself about my choices.

I am not really seeking validation or answers…I just wonder what will happen if I stop taking Abilify and Prozac, will I stay the same? I really really hope so. If I can get normal sleep and stuff. But now I have two medications to take. I cant just randomly stop taking them. I don’t feel faint or dizzy today…I’m just tired of systems…and being this way.

I want to have a spiritual experience. I feel like if I stop taking pills I will allow more spiritual experiences. But that may be mania induced spirituality. Like, when I thought I could control the weather I was also rambling to myself all day…but I’m learning to control it…so in retrospect, since a person is constantly changing, maybe my bipolar schizophrenia could evolve into a spiritual gift and I can stop medication for me because my symptoms are situational.

It’s really hard to have these internal existential dilemmas and not have anyone to relate this to in person that’s why I posted it here on this forum.

You can’t be non-conformist/anti-establishment/ and continue to exist within this system of care because the system requires responsibility like taking pills. If there was a cure for schizophrenia I might at some point take it. But how do I know anymore if I have schizophrenia, if its prozac-induced anxiety or what? Should I continue taking Prozac if its inducing even the mildest form of mania? Or should I just quit taking Abilify? Wouldn’t all this be resolved if I ditched the meds entirely? How do I know they’re doing anything at all…

Very confused…I guess when I’m doing well I lack insight into the worst of it…I really just want to quit the meds…but I want to take them at the same time, it’s contextual. I don’t want to be someone whose medicated but I like how they help me.

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I don’t think this Prozac is the right med for me. I’m enjoying my lucid dreams. There are so many benefits. But it is triggering mania/psychosis. I may have to not take it anymore and deal with the withdrawal than up my dose of anti-psychotics. I don’t think Prozac is working, every night I get super sick like derailed.

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You should say all of this to your pdoc. If you’re afraid you won’t remember everything you’re wondering and thinking, write out a note to your dr. Explain to the dr when you hand over the note that you’re afraid you’ll forget something and let them read it. All these thoughts are important to your health so it’s imperative you discuss it all with your pdoc.

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Yeah hes impossible to get ahold of that’s why I’m writing it here. He would probably say it’s too soon to say and keep taking Prozac. I find I do better when I manage the meds myself. I’m considering going back on the injections. I talk to him on the phone once every three months. I don’t know when My next appointment is. I should call him but its friday and I won’t be able to until monday. I may tell him about my panic attack in rehab and that I dont think Prozac is working.

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But surely you will see him in the future. Write the note for your next appointment

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A common scenario for schizophrenics on medication is that someone becomes psychotic and is diagnosed with schizophrenia and the doctor puts them on medication. The person starts feeling good and figured they don’t need the medication anymore. So they stop taking it because they don’t realize that the only reason they started feeling good is “because” of the medication.

And that’s how people relapse. And have to start all over and it could take months to get stable again.

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Yes its sad and I have to constantly remind myself that I will be on meds for the rest of my life. That’s why I think I may just ask to take the injections again because I won’t have to remember to take pills every night and day. I have to stop fighting with myself. One reason I am doing well/have been doing ok is that I was constantly trying to follow the advice and therapy. I wish I could wish it away. But this is a real disease. It sucks. But i can maintain normal as much as I can without having to flush all my pills away.

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