Am i really in very severe state at the end?

Whats your opinion on me?
I went out today for 15 minutes but that was all… I sometimes feel my brain in my head because of the overthinking and the depression and the isolation. I sometimes cant think, I mean some bigger thoughts, not just my dumb thoughts… I cant even talk sometimes. I should learn even to talk again, to think normally again. I have nothing in life except my mom. my isolations lasts since 16 years.
I even dont know what to think on the meaning of life now… Plus, I get angry toward others cause they just seem to be fine…
I am fed up of being fighter this night, sorry! I cant always take myself in my hands, sometimes I just wish the feeling of my brain in my head to stop…
I guess there are a lot of people here who are lonely and in bad situations too but come on, 16 years of isolation is hard. For my mom, ill never recover cause I lost too much… and its effectively difficult, idk…
anybody here who sees a slight progress in my thinking when I write now? I fight the negativity as much as I can but this is a painful thing for my brain sometimes
sometimes I think that some people recover faster cause they can go out at least idk…

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Will i break my isolation soon? Idk anymore if my cognitive deficits are an obstacle in my life or more the lack of emotions…