Am I losing my life/ just my heart/ maybe even my history?

maybe this month is just a bad month for me…

Bad month, why?
Symptoms?

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I have been a bit manic trying to reach my cousin. She is my age, we had a family falling out when I was younger caused by her younger sister. I just want to try to the home I grew up in back or money to replace it from her mom/ her help to at least be able to get a better car/ even just communication…
am I wrong for this ?

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Do you need a new car?

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my van is rusting thru the frame from the ground up, but I cannot afford to get a replacement… I know I shouldn’t be trying to ask family I haven’t spoken to for many a year, but I’m in a dire situation with my van, and many other things as well. I guess I was just hope for family kindness / words of wisdom from her{ my Girl Second Cousin}
We grew up together right down the road from each other she use to be my best friend.

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If you grew up together,
you have familiarity with her.
You can ask.

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I have been for like 3 months try to get her to talk to me , but no avail. I think it might be because me and her younger sister had a problem along time ago. Her younger sister was jealous of her big sister and thought we were making out all the time, but we never did anything, but her younger sister tried to get down my pants. I whipped her with my hand told her I was gonna tickle her till she peep her pants, and chase her out into my arriving family members of where I was staying and her mom presence. this was a long time ago. I never go to tell her what happened, and I think she thinks I was the bad guy now…

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