One last thing I think I forgot to say is that since the trauma I do have very strange and strong headaches (even before the aps), first like a sensation of a divide/fissure right in the forehead and then like a tingling mostly in the same part, this latter went on for months but I do still experience these basically everyday. Again, not that I want a diagnosis but needed a place where it would have made sense to let it all out, thanks for providing this!
Oh gosh, as I said Iām so scared I would give a finger or more to remain like this even if I do feel very unwell with comparison with how I wasā¦
Things can get better, just never as quickly as we want. Progress with this illness is usually measured in months and sometimes years. People get frustrated and quit because they want it now, or next week at the latest. Doesnāt work that way.
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I know velociraptor thanks! I have read other of your comments already and you are very very witty and inspiring! I only ask God to be able to marry my girl and give her the day I dreamed of before this hell started. I actually wanted a lifetime with her but now I at least pray for this, to be able to give her a happy perfect dayā¦ I cannot call it off as the doctors say Iām able to and supposedly I amā¦ And it would go against my essence to do itā¦ But on the other hand I have the nightmare of either not getting there or exploding just a few months later and so what for? Believe me Iām crying as I write this, I know it probably sounds pathetic to you all who have endured and do endure so much dailyā¦ But Iām seeing my life slip away and I can only pray to God.
Sorry itās simply called EI (early intervention) not RAISE (this latter is a research on first-episode psychosis). Still Iām trying to make my mind about aps and their side effects as Iāve been prescribed them, which is one of the main reasons I discovered this wonderful forum.
You have mental illness
Its bad if its ptsd from trauma
If at some point it evolves into schizophrenia im sure your health team will let you know
Sounds like youāre having a rough few months
So take it easy on yourself
Ps stop researching everything about mental illness though you will drive yourself nuts crazy
I hope you recover from ptsd with therapy which is the usual method of treatment
Antipsychotics? Id avoid unless absolutely last resort
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Thanks spaceoptic, yes everyone is telling me that, problem is every single second my brain is telling me something is not right and this drives me toward the researchā¦ The only things that calmed this down a little were the aps, and I can barely get any sleep without them, but I do understand theyāre the last resort medicine and trying to limit them afap. Hence why I talked my doc into stopping the olanzapine. Now Iām on a cocktail of natural remedies/supplements - ashwagandha, melatonine, L-theanine, glicine, magnesium and camomile - and hope that these suffice. If not, I was prescribed a new benzo. And if this fails as well, I will have no choice but turn to the olanzapine or seroquel again.
Well that sounds more positive
Good luck in the future
And try not to self diagnose. Ive never heard of anyone accurately self diagnosing with anything, its just your trying to rationalise but its bad for you and upsetting you
Thanks spaceoptic, on self-diagnosing I copy a paragraph from Torreyās Surviving Schizophrenia here below. I agree that my situation is excruciating, but Iām not sure it is my attempts at coping with it rather than itself. I will try to do as advised and return to this page only a month from today (except for the next few hours). Still if there were 10% possibility I was developing schizophrenia, I would let my close ones know as it is my understanding that one of the worst aspects of the disease is that, contrary to PTSD, I might lose control over myself and put them in some dangerous situation later on.
Decreased Awareness of Illness: Anosognosia
Some people with schizophrenia are aware of the malfunctioning of their brain; this is what is called awareness of illness, or insight. A few of them even tell those around them in the early stages of illness that something is going wrong with their head. One mother remembered her son holding his head and pleading: āHelp me, Mom, something is wrong in my head.ā One young lady, only twelve years old, asked her parents if she could see a psychiatrist and asked him if she had schizophrenia. John Hinckley wrote a letter to his parents (but never sent it), in which he said: āI donāt know whatās the matter. Things are not going well. I think thereās something wrong with my head.ā One of the most poignant stories I have ever heard concerned a very bright teenage boy who realized that something was going wrong with his brain in the earliest stages of the disease and then spent months in the local medical libraries researching the illness before his symptoms became too severe. In another instance a parent told me that her son āhad diagnosed himself as having schizophreniaā before anyone in the family fully realized that he was sick.
Such awareness of illness in the early stages is often lost as the disease becomes fully manifest. This is not surprising since it is the brain that is malfunctioning, and it is also the brain that we use to think about ourselves.
Im sorry but im not interested in reading copied info from wherever
Goodbye
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