Hi guys, I’m new here and I have only been diagnosed with Depression, Social Anxiety (SA), and ADHD.
I have been facing a lot of covert verbal abuse over the last few years, but it has finally reached a fever pitch that has become unbearable.
After many months of deep thinking, constant theorising and countless discussions with my family, I have concluded that due to my Social Anxiety (SA), I have become socially withdrawn and avoidant. And because of this, everyone I meet/gets to know me eventually grows to hate me. I’ve heard colleagues, managers, customers, family, friends, waiters, bus drivers, bus passengers, train staff, shopkeepers, security guards and neighbours mutter and sometimes shout insults. All of these people would have come to know me or know of me through someone else.
- Things that occur are excessive sweating in social situations I feel guilty being in (not keeping in touch with people I always seem very friendly with when one-on-one)
- Averting people’s gaze/avoiding eye contact
- Standing or sitting next to someone I know but freezing, causing me not to say anything to them.
- Failing to keep up basic communication for long periods.
This abuse I receive is almost always in the form of muttering and earshot sniping. I’ve been repeatedly called the same insults over and over; usually emasculating.
The reason why I’ve finally decided to seek help here is because I confronted a lot of my relatives and even a manager, but they all vehemently deny ever saying those things, even though I am absolutely certain they have.
I’ve even received hate mail before, which I’m certain was from a former colleague.
The reason I believe these things to be true is because I’ve realised my SA has caused me to push people away, ignore them, be surface-level/fake, and avoidant. I have deep trouble trusting people and therefore find it hard to even acknowledge someone I know if I see them in public (like walking behind them, but not calling them, only for them to turn and see me there with a guilty expression, or just sitting next to them and not saying anything to them because I’m frozen in a perpetual fight or flight state that prevents me from doing anything)
Situations like these will almost always follow with an angry snipe or direct insult.
I live in a medium sized town, but I feel like my reputation is going around and now I tend to hear insults and snipes everytime I go out.
I am only taking Sertraline at the moment.
My family think all this is due to paranoia that stems from my trauma of being bullied and ostracised in the past. I, however, am certain this is all real and is just a product of my social behaviour.
What are your thoughts on this and what steps should I take?
Thank you.