I had a realization that how much ever good deeds I do to live, I am not reaching success as everyone else?
I notices two things in the above statement,
Define what’s good and success for me?
I spent few hours going in depth of it.
And arrived at this sentence:
“If doing nothing is right, the world which is, should have not existed.”
Going through my definition of good always inclined to “escape” which actually I was very good at it.
Example: Playing badminton, I don’t keep track of score, if I will or lose doesn’t matter, but thats not how a game works.
I feel the same thing called a game of life, I have to will or lose either one, if I get injured I will comeback stronger and finish the game that I had started.
Its not that I hear bad voices now after meds.
Its the way I speak to self.
I do hear good things talking to me, but its not something good for long run.
I believed my moral of what is good has been hampered or I have the same moral from childhood. No one can have a perfect childhood its impossible.
I think its my moral from childhood who was always escaping from opportunity of failure.
People always say “Failure is a stepping stone” but I was not ready to fail but gave an excuses of not to fail or compete in something where there is a failure.
One can say its black and white thinking and stay neutral.
Or
With meds challenge stuffs I like, with right morals.
Because I have failed and dont even realize I have failed Miserably, escape character say to me I deserve support because of the things I have gone through, so when will I start to play again, “Never”!!!
Only thing I do everyday is just breathe for hope, saying that today I see the 1% good in me and try to add on by understanding:
“If doing nothing is right, the world which is, should have not existed.”
I am going to continue and play the game called life.
Am I Good?
There is no such thing as a secure life. “It does not exist in nature … Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
From A Book - Life Without Limits