Am I Good?

I had a realization that how much ever good deeds I do to live, I am not reaching success as everyone else?
I notices two things in the above statement,

Define what’s good and success for me?

I spent few hours going in depth of it.
And arrived at this sentence:

“If doing nothing is right, the world which is, should have not existed.”

Going through my definition of good always inclined to “escape” which actually I was very good at it.

Example: Playing badminton, I don’t keep track of score, if I will or lose doesn’t matter, but thats not how a game works.

I feel the same thing called a game of life, I have to will or lose either one, if I get injured I will comeback stronger and finish the game that I had started.

Its not that I hear bad voices now after meds.

Its the way I speak to self.

I do hear good things talking to me, but its not something good for long run.

I believed my moral of what is good has been hampered or I have the same moral from childhood. No one can have a perfect childhood its impossible.

I think its my moral from childhood who was always escaping from opportunity of failure.

People always say “Failure is a stepping stone” but I was not ready to fail but gave an excuses of not to fail or compete in something where there is a failure.

One can say its black and white thinking and stay neutral.
With meds challenge stuffs I like, with right morals.

Because I have failed and dont even realize I have failed Miserably, escape character say to me I deserve support because of the things I have gone through, so when will I start to play again, “Never”!!!

Only thing I do everyday is just breathe for hope, saying that today I see the 1% good in me and try to add on by understanding:

“If doing nothing is right, the world which is, should have not existed.”

I am going to continue and play the game called life.

Am I Good?

There is no such thing as a secure life. “It does not exist in nature … Life is either a daring adventure or nothing.”
From A Book - Life Without Limits

For some, doing right is simply living day to day and surviving which can be a task in itself. I don’t do a lot myself, and I often beat myself up about it, but the truth is I am taking on as much as I can manage.

I think if you are taking on as much responsibility as you can safely carry, then you are good and doing the right thing.

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Yes for some its true what you said in the first paragraph, but not for me, I like to correct my self up as I am not doing what I am suppose to be doing.

Are you critical of yourself for not doing what you should be doing, or do other people tell you to do more?

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No one tells me anything, I stay at my parents, once in a week or so they tell me to find a job, other than that nothing.
I am neither finding a job nor studying what I love to do. Instead I finished reading a book that I mentioned above.
And I am not feeling good about it.
Saying I could have been much productive.

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That sounds difficult. It is good but stressful to have people pushing you to do things.

Do you feel as if you can work full time or part time? Or study full time or part time? Having people like your parents push you forward can be stressful, but good for you. Can you talk to your pdoc about working and what you should be aiming for?

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I tried to attend a part time job interview but when I went for the interview I felt it was fake, and also realized what am I doing here where I should have been studying. Because my parent gave a huge advise the previous day.

I had worked in worlds largest corporate training center for 3.5 years after diagnosed, but later quit as I made up stories after stories which was not true.

Yes I spoke to my pdoc he said go ahead with studies, because I asked the doc is studying one of my delusion.

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What do you want to study? Can you convince you parents that the study will lead to a good job when you are finished?

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I wanna study data science for which I completed few courses online but I think or feel and doubt on memorys of what I studied, but when I test it I do remember, because in that field every 5 years there would be change in technology, so I wrote this statement on the first page of my phone:-

What I recollect, is what I remember, which makes me who I am today.

I believe 5 year memory cycle because, world knowledge is changing very fast.

This rule I follow,
Work with the knowledge of past 5 years and
Learn new things to work for next 5 years.
Such that I am ready for everyday.

Guide line is:
Don’t waste time learning what’s older than 5 years.

Rewarding issue then reward yourself :yum:
Self control, will self regulate the brain, life is not fun if you don’t take control of it.

The above are the thing I like to follow:
But somewhere something I wrong…

Maybe you could ask companies that hire data science staff what study would be beneficial to getting a job in that area, or what experience you should be getting that will help with that job. If you have already completed some courses you should be well on your way.

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They ask for experience but my experience is in customer support for US and UK clients, I also tried to apply as intern but no response, I know need to try till I get through, customer support alone took me around 35 to 40 interviews, I still know the way to get experience to go online in kaggel but still I hesitate, I am just giving excuses.

It sounds to me like you are trying hard to get a job. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Keep trying.

Also, all this trying makes you a good person.

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Thanks @Pat6398 It means a lot :hugs:

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You are welcome @A_B_C

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